Week 3 - Conscious Coupling - I Just Called To Say I Love You

All right, Conscious Fear, here we are. Holy cow, another week has gone by. Been a great week for me. I hope it's been a great week for you. This is week three, which means it's Conscious Couples. What do I know about being Conscious Couple? Not much. I can talk about it really, really well. How do I practice? I do my best. But in all seriousness, today's title is I just call to say I love you. So what is that all about? Well, what it is, is, look, maybe you've heard this idea that in a relationship, you are 100% responsible for the relationship and your partner is 100% responsible for.

For the relationship. So what does that mean? Well, there's a great expert on relationships, couples, Terry Real, and I just saw one of his Instagrams, and he basically said, the degree to which you are unhappy in your relationship is the degree to which you want that person to change. So how powerful is that? Right? So how are you getting them to change? So when I get stuck in thinking my partner is not good enough, needs to change, is not this, is not that, wish they were she was this and that and blah, blah, blah, all of that, I try to remind myself it's a great time to send her a text and let her know I love her, to call her to do something nice for her, to do something nice for her for when she gets back from work.

And it's all in that space. Maybe you're familiar with this prayer. It's called the 11 step prayer. And I'm not gonna do the whole prayer, but it talks about to comfort, then to be comforted, to love, then to be loved, to understand, then to be understood. And so when I'm working people, that's what I remind them of. That's what I try to remind myself of. When I'm feeling like something is missing, I try to bring it. When I'm not feeling like I'm loved enough by my partner, then I try to let her know that I love her.

Sometimes I need to sit with the discomfort that I'm feeling rather than just go right into, oh, I love you, because that discomfort is telling me something as well. There's something. There's something that I can learn from that discomfort that can be very powerful and with, like, internal family systems or ACA work, adult children of alcoholics. And it's kind of like, oh, that little boy. That little boy is needing comfort. That little boy. There's a wound that's been triggered that I need to attend to.

So if I'm feeling that and then I just immediately go to reaching out and telling my partner that I love her. I miss the opportunity to give that wound just a little bit of attention from a loving parent like, you're okay, Everything is okay. Nobody is missing, nobody's gone. You have a wonderful family, you have a wonderful partner. Everything is okay. You've got what you need right now. And then after that, I reach out to my partner, I just called to say I love you. That's kind of what it is, right?

I mean, in today's. Some of, Some of the. Some of the crap that's out there that people, you know, call relationship advice or help or all that stuff that's still focused on the other person. And the degree to which I'm trying to get somebody else to change is the degree to which I will be miserable in my relationship. Now, it doesn't mean you can't have conversations about what's working, what's not working, if you do it in a loving way. But the truth is, so much of what I thought was an issue is no longer an issue.

And yet there was a time when I was convinced it was a huge issue. So when I go back to comfort than to be comforted, to love, then to be loved, to understand than to be understood, when I just keep going back to that, how am I comforting rather than expecting comfort, how am I understanding rather than expecting to be heard and understood? And how am I loving rather than expecting to be loved? It's a great practice for me personally. And so for this next week for you all watching this, that's my guidance, that's my suggestion.

Take those three things to heart. To understand, then to be understood. As soon as you get thinking that somebody needs to listen to you, stop and listen to comfort than to be comforted. Oh, he never hugs me. Oh, she never hugs me. She never does this. And then you just go, give him a hug. And to love, then to be loved. And love is such a broad, broad thing, but to just love, you know, the only problem with love so often in our society is that it. We pretend it to be so many other things than what it actually is.

And so we call it love when it's not. But to love, then to be loved, to give that which we want to receive. To me, that's been a game changer in my relationship. Game changer. So, Anila, welcome and hey, happy Saturday, everybody. Wishing you all a very wonderful weekend. Take care. Bye bye.