Coffee Chats w/ Dr. D

Hey, Cadre. I forgot I had the mic in my hand, but it's me, Dr. D. I am here with your coffee chat. And let me tell y' all a quick story about my coffee today, so I'll introduce our topic, too. We're going to be talking about letting go and letting go of parts of ourselves, but let me tell you what just happened. So I have to make a fresh cup of coffee before our coffee chats. And. And I put a Keurig pod in there, and I thought I put a new one in there. And as it was brewing, I could see it was really light.

And I don't know if you know this about me, but I like dark coffee because I want to be able to feel it, if that makes sense. And I saw that the color was a little lighter than I like it, and I was like, that doesn't look right. And I opened it, and apparently, I didn't change the pod. I had an old pod that was still in there that was still brewing. And that cup of coffee, I had to let go of because it was not gonna work for me. It smelled good, but it just wasn't. It wasn't right. It wasn't what I wanted.

So. But let's get into our topic, which is letting go of ourself. And I know that sounds. I don't even know how to describe how that sounds, but even when I say it, it's a little triggering for me. So I am in this process, you guys. If you've been with me for a while, I've been going through, I think, a transformation. I've been finding, like, old parts of myself through, like, journals and pictures from when I was younger. And when I say younger, I mean like, my 20s and even my 30s, too. And I'm starting to see old versions of myself that I didn't necessarily recognize that were not a part of me anymore.

And it wasn't until I was able to reflect and read some things that I've written in the past that, you know, reading it, I was like, I'm not that girl anymore. And it felt good to recognize that there has been change and positive change. And so I want you to consider, you know, are you in this transformational stage, or are you wanting to be in that space? And sometimes there are blocks that happen. And I think one of the major blocks that we experience is holding onto parts of ourselves that we need to let go of, but not knowing how to do it or even being in agreement that that's something we should do.

So I want you to think about this question here. And your question for the day is, what version of yourself do you need to say goodbye to? Okay. What version of yourself do you need to say goodbye to? So there are parts of me that I'm starting to recognize I don't need that girl anymore. I don't need to be her anymore, and I don't need to keep her along and hold onto her for future use. Hi, Jules. Thanks for joining. So there are versions of me, such as the perfectionist. Okay. I am learning that I don't have to be a perfectionist.

I think that part of myself showed up because it was ingrained in me to always give my best, always be excellent, always be better than the rest because you have to do, you know, work twice as hard just to be acknowledged. For me, being a black at the time, a black girl, just a little girl, those are messages that I received from other black women and people in my family that I have to work twice as hard, which kind of gave me this sense of I have to perfect. And I held onto that belief for a very long time that I had to show up and be perfect in everything that I did.

And that was really hard for me to let go of. And I'm learning now that I don't have to be that girl anymore. I don't have to be the perfectionist. And so maybe there are parts of yourself that you need to let go of as well. When it comes to, you know, maybe you define yourself as a quitter. Maybe there's a version of yourself that is so used to giving up when things get hard. And now. Hi, Luke. Now you're in this space where you can just keep pushing through. And so are there moments in your life where that quitter shows up again?

And if that's there, you need to say goodbye to that person. And then maybe there's a version of yourself that you are so in this space of holding on to emotions that they define who you are. So, for example, if you tend to feel lonely and you experience loneliness in a. In a deep sense, and you've identified that that's just who you are, You're a lonely person, or you're always alone. And are you in this space where you're starting to see this shift? There's always this internal shift, and it's.

It doesn't always feel good, but it's noticeable when there's a change happening. And those are those beginning stages of change. When it start, your old version of yourself will feel uncomfortable where you don't want to be that way anymore. So if you've identified yourself as the loner or the lonely person, maybe you're starting to recognize that you are interacting with others in a different way and you don't feel as lonely anymore. But maybe you go back into the shell and you. You might call it being introverted as a sense of your identity, of being a loner, but is that a part of you that you need to let go of?

Maybe you're the shy one. I used to be shy. At least I think, if I'm being honest, I don't think I was ever really a shy person. I think people gave me that title and I held onto that as that's who I was, because I was the quiet one. I was the person that was more observant. Even as a little girl, I would just kind of sit and watch people and listen, and I was just in tune with what was going on around me. But I never felt the need to say anything or speak up. And so people gave me a title of being shy.

I was like, well, I guess that's what I am. And I think sometimes we embody what others say about us, as that's the truth about who we are. And so I also want you to challenge those parts of yourself. So are these former versions of yourself one, so this is coming out as I'm talking y' all, but one consider these former versions of yourself. Is it because someone gave you that title and told you that's who you are, and if that's not the truth, you're starting to recognize that's not me? Let's let that go.

Or is there a part of yourself from your past, this former version of yourself that you decided you were going to be that way because it worked for you, and now you're in this space of it's no longer working. Can we let go of that part of you? And it's hard. And I think the process of letting go is something where you have to recognize when something feels different. And sometimes we feel it because it's showing up in spaces that you don't prepare for. So I'll give you an example of how this is happening in my life.

I am in the process of rebranding, and if you don't know, I have a brand called she Matters. And she Matters is creating awareness for the mental health issues that single moms deal with. And my goal for she Matters is to bring awareness to or to reduce suicidal thoughts and depression for single moms. But I think I'm in a New space. Um, my son is now 21, but I live the single mom life all that time. But I also feel this internal shift of I don't have to keep identifying that way. And so, personally, because I'm no longer identifying with that, I'm rebranding, not just for business purposes, but for myself.

I want to make sure that whatever brand that I represent really represents me too. And so I'm in the process of changing that. And so I can't tell you just yet what the name's going to be, but I felt this internal shift, and it's been happening in spaces that I didn't plan for, where I'm experiencing some blocks outside of me to keep pushing. She Matters. So, for example, it's showing up with social media for those who haven't listened to other coffee chats. But my social media was hacked. And so all of the branding that I put out there, all of my posts, all my videos, all the marketing that I did for she Matters, it no longer exists out there in social media.

And so that was this. This key moment when I started to let go of, oh, my gosh, that's not working. Oh, my gosh, somebody took this from me, and I let go of that emotional experience, experience of losing what I was building, and I accepted this is what it is. Then I. I recognized there was already a shift happening that I just wasn't paying attention to. And sometimes there are people in our lives or there are circumstances that will arise that will push us forward to continue moving into who we're supposed to be, but we have to also let go of who we were.

And so that's your challenge, is to really reflect on that this week. And it could be a very minor thing about who you are, who you were that you need to let go of. Maybe there is a piece of you that you're holding on to that is from your past that is preventing you from becoming who you need to be. All right, y' all, that's all I got for your coffee chat today, but if you're watching the replay, please drop a coffee mug in the chat and let me know where you're tuning in from. And I want to thank everybody that joined me today, and I hope you guys have a wonderful day.

Bye.