Coffee Chats w/ Dr. D

Hello, Cadre. It's me, Dr. D. I'm in a new space. I'm just downstairs at my office. This room is finally empty, so I decided to use this lovely background that I think is pretty fitting for today. I like the sense of newness and the change. And, you know, it's springtime, although it's been kind of crappy weather here. It's still cold, and then some days it's hot. And you just never know what you're going to get in the Midwest. But it's okay. But I got my coffee. I'm feeling good today. I've had a wonderful morning so far, and so I want to welcome everyone that is joining me today.

Hello, Speak, Wonder. I just want to shout you out and thank you for always being here and supporting me. And today I want to talk about the anxiety that we experience when we leave a toxic environment or a toxic partner. So let's talk about it. So I want you to think about relationships in general. And the relationship doesn't always have to be romantic. So think about if you've ever had to leave a toxic friend or a toxic co worker, or maybe you've had to end a relationship with a toxic work environment.

So maybe you had a toxic boss and you're like, I got to get out of this company. Hey. Oh, a long weekend in Maryland. Nice. So what does that feel like when you're in that toxic environment or in that toxic relationship? And I know sometimes it can feel overwhelming. It can make you doubt yourself. It can make you think of all the reasons why you need to go. And sometimes it takes time to get to that point where you're like, this is it. I can't take anymore. This isn't safe. It's not healthy. I don't feel good, and I want to feel good.

So you finally get to this point that you're ready to exit, and you make your exit. Whether that way of exiting is healthy or not irrelevant right now, but you decide to go now. That feeling of finally being out of that environment can feel so freeing. So like a breath of fresh air, right? And you finally get this. Wow. Feels good, right? You feel like there's life again. You might feel like you can think clearly again because you're not being, I guess, influenced by negative thoughts about yourself or maybe the gaslighting you experienced by that person.

And so that can feel really good. And then when things start to settle, you might start to question yourself, why did I just do that? Why did I leave? It can feel unnerving. Maybe because you don't have a place to go, you don't have a new partner, you don't have a new friend, you don't have a new place to work. Sometimes people quit their jobs unexpectedly because it's just so toxic they gotta go right now. Hi, Luke. And that is know kind of scary to take a leap of faith and make yourself better and feel better by leaving something that's so unhealthy for you.

But once you're out of it, you'll start to question yourself and that doesn't feel good. And so if you sit with that long enough, these feelings of being anxious and questioning and, and feeling like, well, dang, why did I do that? Or did I make the right decision? Right? And it can feel really, really scary. And like, why are you doubting yourself? So go back to all the questions you asked yourself before you left that toxic environment. Go back to all the truths that you knew about this place isn't good for me.

This person isn't good for me. I don't feel good when I'm around them. I have to leave. But we always question, well, what if I don't find anything different? Or what if I don't find a new person to fill that space? And sometimes what we do in those moments is we will go right back to what we just left. We will go right back to a toxic environment, a toxic partner, even toxic behaviors of our own. Because it's familiar, because we know how to navigate it. Instead of moving towards this space of freedom and this space of newness in the space of it's scary to do something different out of fear.

Right? And I want to encourage anyone that's in that space today. If you are questioning, should I go back? Don't do it, it's not worth it. If you're questioning, did I make the right decision? Yes, you did. I'm just going to affirm that for you. Maybe things that are going to happen next might not also feel good, but is it healthier? Are you a better person because you made a good choice for yourself? And you might start to question, was I being selfish by just thinking about what I needed? You know what, that doesn't matter.

Sometimes you have to be. I won't even call it being selfish. It's not selfish to take care of yourself. That's a necessity, right? It might be selfish if you ignore another person to get what you want, but when you're getting what you need, that's not selfish behavior. So I want to just encourage people who are struggling with this, did I make the right choice? What do I do now? It's okay if you don't know just yet, but know that you made a good decision to choose what's best for you. And I want to continue.

I want you to continue to walk forward in that and try to be open to new connections because you might be surprised by new people that walk into your life. And I want to give you this, too. It's not always someone new that might come into your life. It might be people that were already there that you weren't able to connect with or you weren't able to see that they were a part of your life because you were so consumed with the toxic environment. So I hope that helps. And I'm going to try to read Yalls comments.

Speak one. You said toxicity causes you not to trust others who actually deserve your trust. Can you say more about that? I'm going to have to sit with that. I like it. I do think it is hard to trust someone else when we can't trust ourselves first. First. Right. So the relationship with ourselves is so important. And when you're in a toxic situation, you can't focus on what you need because sometimes we're just focused on making the person that is so toxic comfortable so we don't feel so bad being around them.

I hope that makes sense. But, yeah, that's all I got, y' all. My cup is almost empty. Look at that. So I'm gonna go get a refill of my coffee today, but I want to thank you all for joining me. And if you are watching the replay, let me know what you think. If you've had any experience with leaving a toxic partner, leaving a toxic environment, a toxic co worker, a toxic boss, and what that was like for you. All right, y' all have a great day. Bye.