Managing Loneliness

Hello, everyone. I want to give you a second to jump in. I am Risa, your resident style and confidence coach here at Cadre. I'm so happy that you're here. It's Tuesday. It's like Monday's best friend. It's like, whatever you didn't get done on Monday, you can push it into Tuesday. It still feels like that beginning of the week energy. I love the beginning of the week. It just gives me a chance to bust it all out on paper and get it done. So now that it's officially Tuesday and 09:00, I am here to talk to you about something that is on my mind quite often.

It's loneliness. And there are a few sort of stages of loneliness that I want to just talk about, and then a couple of coping mechanisms. So I have three real sort of stages, or phases of loneliness. I call them the three cs. And then, in ways to cope, I've kind of got my three m's. So everything in threes, right? Like, stage a house in threes, and tackle loneliness in threes. So the first thing I want to talk to you guys about is the three stages. These elements of loneliness, number one, causes.

What causes loneliness? What's causing loneliness right now in this world? What might be causing loneliness for you? What's causing loneliness for me? So we're gonna talk about that, and then coping is gonna be the next stage that I talk about. And the third thing I wanna talk to you about is community, and we can lump in a couple other c's in there, Cadre and coaching, and so what's available to you and what is out there. So the first thing I wanna talk about is the causes. What's causing loneliness for me.

I'll just go ahead and start and say, my life is solo. I am a single woman. I'm about to turn 41, and I've lived on my own for a long time, and I'm also a solopreneur, and I do a lot on my own. It's just me and the dog. And I think, you know, especially with what's happened in the last couple of years in this world, being a single woman can be really challenging, and being just on your own in general, you know, you think about people that are all partnered up out there, that have somebody that they come home to.

Maybe it's a roommate, maybe it's a partner, maybe it's a son or daughter or mother or father, somebody that they live with. And there is something beautiful about being able to split the responsibilities with people that you live with, or if you know that the garbage needs to be taken out, there's somebody there that you could maybe task that out to or that could help you with that. But when you live alone and you are on your own and you're solo in your life, it can feel really overwhelming to have to handle all of those responsibilities on top of having to go to work and having to take care of a dog, a pet, a human, maybe you have a child and you live alone.

Being single and solo is a struggle. And I think it's okay to be in that struggle and to understand it and to feel for yourself in that way. There are times when I have to say to myself, no, I can't go out to dinner with my friends because I have responsibilities at home that won't get done if I don't do them. And you know that old saying, if you don't, if you want something done right, do it yourself? Well, it feels extra lonely when you are living alone. So if this is you, I feel you, I see you, and I am with you, and, you know, I live in a town or a city that is very spread out.

So even if I did want to go and do something really quickly, I really have to figure out how I'm going to work that into my day and work that into my schedule. And it can feel really isolating when you feel like you can't be at social events, you have this thing called FoMo and this fear of missing out on things that are happening around you when you have responsibilities and when you're alone. I mean, a lot of thought has to go into how you plan your day. And it can feel really, really isolating to not have people who understand what it is that you're going through.

Maybe at work, maybe it's a personal issue that you have to deal with completely on your own. And right now in this world, the pandemic has caused a ton of loneliness for us, and that effect is still going on. I call it the post pandemic loneliness struggle. And I don't think that we're completely out of it. I think that the pandemic has sort of had this ripple effect of isolation and really being choosy about who you spend your time with, where you go, your safety. And I just think it's created a whole nother layer of isolation, and that is something that doesn't feel like it's going away anytime soon.

It started to fade out a little bit. But if you still feel this way, I feel you. People are still having to quarantine at times and struggling with the residual effects of the pandemic. So I think as an entrepreneur and as a single woman, this has been something that I have really had to navigate and find ways to cope with. So let's get into coping really fast and what's worked for me, and I hope that it can work for you. So I would like to talk about the three m's, movement mentors, and mental health awareness.

So starting with movement, one of the things that I have found that has been a huge lifesaver for me, I would say I've really discovered this in the past, almost six months or so, is movement. And that can mean anything. That can mean putting in your earbuds and pacing around your house on a call if that's what you need to do. It can mean jumping on a treadmill. I live in Arizona. It's a million degrees here right now. So my treadmill has been my best friend, and I actually found it, fun fact on offer up for, like, $500 in the middle of the pandemic, and it was the best $500 I have ever spent because it's really hot here, and I had to isolate during the pandemic, and it's just been a huge lifesaver.

And there's no excuses when it's in my tiny house. I literally cleared space in a room that I didn't have the space for and got this thing into my house. So finding that movement every single day, whether it's ten minutes, 15 minutes, an hour, whatever it is, has completely changed my mindset and given me a whole new perspective and given me purpose and made me feel like I'm doing something for myself and not thinking about that loneliness factor. The other thing is, even if you don't own a peloton or something, that you can be a part of an exercise community.

You can still download apps, and you can still feel like you're a part of community through movement. And you can do that without having to spend money on fancy machines. So finding movement in your life, I have felt, takes away that feeling of loneliness and pulls me outside of that, going down the rabbit hole of being alone and gives me some endorphins and creates happiness in my life. So movement, I think, is so key. The other thing that's been huge for me the second m is mentors. Finding a mentor, one of the best things I did for myself was invest in myself a couple of years ago and find a mentor that really aligns with my goals and join a community.

The best thing you can do if you live alone and you go down the rabbit hole or the shame hole of not having a significant other or feeling like you aren't good enough because you are alone, is find a community that lifts you up no matter what. In that community, there's always going to be somebody that can relate to what you're going through and that might live alone, or might be a solopreneur, or might just be a dog parent just like you. If you find a community of like minded people, chances are you're going to be able to connect with somebody that understands you.

So find a mentor that motivates you every day. Another m, so many m's today and really gets you through those tough times. The third thing is mental health awareness. I mean, I cannot stress this enough. Being aware of these feelings of loneliness, these feelings of shame, these feelings of fear, whatever it is that you're feeling, being aware of those feelings, being in touch with those feelings and being able to get them down on paper, write them out, tell them to a therapist, talk to a friend who might understand you.

One of my best friends is a single man who is also an entrepreneur and also a dog parent. And we share a lot of commonalities that bind us. And without those conversations with him, he's kind of like my mental touchstone every week. Without those conversations, I would probably be in a much darker place. But these conversations have truly saved me. So having that awareness and focusing on your mental health and really allowing yourself to feel everything that you're feeling, but find a way to talk about it and find a buddy that will help get you through those really tough times.

Finding friends that share common interests can be really a huge part of building a community. So even if you don't have money to hire a mentor, there are tons of people online on Instagram. And of course, you have your Cadre family, which we're going to get into in a second. The third c is all about community. So you have people and platforms available to you. It's time to use them. So the third thing is community, and also known as Cadre, the final c. We are here for you. I think having a resource like Cadre, there are so many amazing, real, authentic people who have probably been where you are.

Utilize this platform as your friend, as your confidant, as your therapist, as your community, your safe space to take in the right information, and to take in guidance that can help serve you with whatever you're going through. In this case, like feeling alone, there's no worse feeling than feeling like you're on an island by yourself, completely stranded without your five things that you would take on an island. That feeling of being alone can be really scary. And you don't have to feel that way with communities, with Cadre, with all of us.

So find your people, find your coaches that can work with you and just, like, help you through everything from coping mechanisms to just recognizing this loneliness. That's what we're here for. And that's why I joined this family, because it's important to me to share the things that I've learned on my journey. And I will say, you know, being. I've lived on my own for probably the last six years, and I look at people around me that are my age with kids and family and getting to travel and doing things that I might not necessarily have time, resources, or just availability to, it can feel really isolating.

And a lot of times, we're inundated with social media, like highlight reels on Instagram and what people are doing and what they're achieving and the homes that they're living in or the cars that they're driving or the group of friends that they have or the trips that they're taking, that can feel incredibly isolating, and it can feel like you're stuck somewhere. When everybody else is progressing forward. I want you to know that I feel that way sometimes. And when I look around and I look at the highlight reel and I see what people are even sometimes getting the chance to shop, because that's my world, is the fashion industry to shop for or to get to wear?

Maybe they're being sent clothing by somebody. It's like whatever it is that you're feeling, it can feel like you're on an island all by yourself. So try to cut the noise. And when you are doing this self reflection, maybe mute some stories, maybe spend less time on Instagram and remember that what you're seeing is the highlight reel. And everyone has their struggles, and everyone has moments of loneliness. And people oftentimes look at what I do as a wardrobe stylist and think, oh, she must have this really fancy, awesome life.

Well, it doesn't always go that way. We all have these feelings of imposter syndrome or comparisitis, and we look around and feel like we aren't really comparing to people the way that we want to. But don't do that. That's a c that we don't want to do. We don't want to compare because everyone has their own struggles. So I'm here to tell you that you're not alone. And I hope that this message has served as some inspiration for you to go out and get that community and to realize that it's available to you.

So if you can just find your movement, find a mentor, and really focus on your mental health, you will be well on your way to navigating the loneliness that you might feel. So I hope that you all have an amazing week, an amazing day, and that you found comfort in this live stream today. And I can't wait to see you for the next one. Have a good week, you guys.