The Rules of Engagement

Good morning, Cadre. How are you? It is Betsy from sunny. Not sunny, actually. It's very foggy today. Silver Spring, Maryland. I think we're getting some smoke From Canada is a rumor I heard. Good morning. I am glad that you are all here to talk about balance and to talk about social balance and to talk about rules of engagement and to enhance our mental health. I'm going to talk about that today. One of the rules of engagement I've mentioned before but is relevant again. But I think the first thing I need to say is I know there are a lot of folks from Minnesota who come to Cadre for various reasons.

I am from Minnesota and one of your state legislators was assassinated last weekend. And I knew her. I knew her. Good morning. I knew her and she was delightful. I also know John Hoffman and my prayers are with him and his wife and the kids of all of them, everybody. I also know a number of people who are on that longer list that the shooter had. And I've been freaked out about it and I've gotten help and resource about it from peer counselors, from friends. A lot of people reached out. Thank you to everybody who reached out.

Good morning, Amar. I will look on my Instagram, see what we can see there. And I just want to send a lot of love to Minnesota. Even if you didn't know them, even if you didn't know Melissa and her husband and sadly, their dog or their kids, if you don't know John and Yvette and their daughter Hope, even if you don't know them. This is a very challenging thing to happen in your state, to happen in your community. And it's challenging for all of us around the country is what I'm finding. Everybody knows that it happened.

Everybody understands. Or not everybody. A lot of people, at least in my world, understand that it is a symptom of a larger problem that we're facing in this country about division. And so the topic of balance and of social balance and connected and together is a particularly apt one this week. And I just wanted to acknowledge that reality. I have literally said prayers for everybody involved. I've said prayers for my former home and community of Minneapolis and for all of you who are facing things.

So there you have it. Forgot to turn on my light. I'm gonna do that if it will let me. There it is. That's a little brighter now. You can see some circles in my glasses. So social balance, yes. Political violence is very sad. I was very scared about political violence for some time while I was an elected official. And I was told that I was being hyperbolic and crazy, even though people were physically surrounding me at public events who clearly did not like me. So I still have a little bit of energy around that.

And so that's one of the reasons this hit me particularly hard. Good morning update. I'm just saying condolences and everybody take care of yourself. This is a tough time, an ongoing tough time, and I think people are really feeling it. But the rule of engagement, that's relevant here. Both of them, I think, are relevant to what I was just Talking about number 17 on my rules of engagement, which I have posted actually right there behind me. Number 17 is people are a good use of time. And that's not necessarily relevant for everyone.

There are lots of. Dani, welcome. Glad you are here. People are a good use of time. That may not be relevant rule of engagement for anyone, but it is important for me because when I get in my do, do, do, get things done. Get things done. Lead, lead, lead. Oh, my God. All these people, you know, this, that and the other thing. The people in my life can feel like they are getting in the way of getting things done or checking things off my to do list or productivity or meeting my goals. But my goals are not worth meeting if I don't have people there with me.

So what do I mean when I say people are a good use of time? If I make a coffee date with somebody, that is a good use of my time, even if I get to that day and I have 10 things stacked on my to do list, A friend, you know, not a networking coffee or anything, but just a friend. If, like I did last week. Because the other rule of engagement guideline is go to the funeral. And I did that last week. I did that last week. One of my dearest people in the whole world, his little sister passed away unexpectedly at 51 and she excuse me, I'm gonna drink a little water in Minnesota.

And you know, I'm already going to Minnesota this month for my cousin's wedding because go to the wedding is part of go to the funeral for me. And excuse me, so sorry. So it wasn't like convenient and it wasn't cheap to get a last minute plane ticket to fly to Minnesota, get a hotel and a car and go to this funeral. But I had this guideline and I used it go to the funeral. And I got to spend some time with my friend and his husband before the, you know, the couple days before the funeral, I got to see my father, right, because he lives in Minnesota.

I did a lot of things while I was there. And I went to the funeral and I greeted a lot of people. I picked up the programs for the funeral. It was hard to assume that I was significant to him and his family, even though we have been friends for 25 or 30 years. I don't think I'm the only person who struggles to understand that I'm significant to the people I'm significant to. But I decided to act like I was significant and go to that funeral. And I was, you know, and I said, I'm of service to you if you have errands that need running or something that needs setting up.

And not enough hands, although I knew they'd have a lot of hands. There's, you know, there were six siblings. She had six siblings, including my friend. And indeed they asked me to pick up the programs from the printer. And it was. It was nice to have a job to do. And then I just loosely kept track of my friend the whole day to see if he needed water. I didn't ask if he needed water. I handed him cups of water. But I also asked him about food and whether it made sense to eat and etc. Etc. And I knew he had a plan.

So go to the funeral. That was a good. And people are a good use of time. That was a very, very good use of my time. Even though it felt scary to assume my significance, it felt inconvenient to rearrange my schedule. Etc, Etc. Etc. It was a very good use of my time. It was a good use of my money. I have zero regrets and I'm so glad that I was there. We would have been friends regardless, but I know how much relationships are formed by that kind of presence in people's lives. So on a personal level, people are a good use of time.

Go to the funeral. This also works on a business level and on a work level that people are a good use of time. Especially if you're a manager, putting time into the people who report to you is a good use of time. You know, when I was mayor, I had a chief of staff and a deputy chief of staff and a policy director. The chief of staff was chief, sort of the boss of everyone. And he made sure that the senior policy aides were all sort of in good working order, doing what they needed to do. The deputy chief of staff also played that role.

They sort of divided it up. It was worth my time to spend that time with my chief of staff and my policy director and my deputy chief of staff. It's so funny to talk about Them with their titles instead of their names, John and Ben and Peter, in part because that nourished me. I really work well with other people, so I'm figuring that out as someone who works for herself. But also it was useful to get that personal touch for the whole office. And I would meet with my senior policy aides as well, you know, with the.

The chief of staff there. We would have time and that was good, useful time too. I also spend a lot of time, spent a lot of time joking around, a little bit of off time, social time, you know, near the kitchen or what have you. Because when I could, you know, I was out of the office a lot when I could because that bolstered my spirits, but also theirs. I mean, it's just a good use of time to know the people that you work with to forge. And that's hard in a remote and hybrid settings. And people are finding all kinds of great ways to do it.

Online games are great. I. Whenever I had meetings, this is true my whole career when I was. I can tell I'm a little thrown today, I'm a little slower than usual. Thank you for bearing with me. When I was chair of committees as a city council member, we would do agenda setting meetings with staff who had things on the agenda and the relevant staff for that committee, group of eight or 10 people. And I would do what's good news. We'd start and we just do a go around of something new and good in that person's life.

And it could just be getting up in the morning and there were people who did not want to do it. The whole many years I was chair of a committee, you know, and I remember one person in particular, he never wanted to do it, but he loved it. And when other people had to do agenda setting, he missed it. And he told me so when I left to be the mayor and was no longer doing those meetings, he said he would miss it, even though he grumbled about it every time. And then I did that with my team. What's something new and something good?

Just get your mind in like a positive place, right? So I'll ask you right now, what's something new and good in your life? I will say something new and good in my life is we have these bird feeders on the balcony and my cats love them. And I saw finches doing a mating dance on the rail. You know, she was fluffing up her feathers and he was bouncing after her. It was great. So ask yourself, what's something new and good? It's a very Quick, very easy way to get my brain in a better space. Just to remember that there is good in my life, especially if things are particularly hard.

And I did that as mayor with my mayoral staff, and now I do it with my coach. You know, I coach people. I'm a coach with my coaches. We start our meeting something good, something. It doesn't have to be work related, but it can be. It's a good way to start. It's a good way for me to operate. And I said, I suggest try it. You know, it's a. Try this at home kind of situation. Try it. Try a new and good for yourself. People are a good use of time. We lift each other up. We learn things about ourselves by the way we bounce off of other people and the way people bounce off of us, especially the people who are important in my life, at home, in my personal life, but also at work, in my work life, people are a good use of time.

And I know there's only a minute left. This isn't to say, especially if you're an introvert, you know, your mileage may vary. People are a good use of time. Can mean once a week, I get to interact with other people. It doesn't have to be every day. It doesn't have to be all the time. It's useful to learn what works for you, and it's also, if you are a leader, it's useful to learn what works for your team and you as a leader of that team. It's useful to get mentorship. I now have a business mentor who's helping me figure out a whole bunch of stuff, which I just love.

People are a good use of time, and it's also useful to give people a little bit of a chance to miss you if you are somebody who is really in there with somebody, a partner, anybody else. Yes, Amara. Relationships are so important. If somebody you know, you're really in there with somebody. I live with a spouse. We just moved into a place that's smaller, which it turns out I actually like. But we are more on top of each other than we've ever been in terms of space and bumping into each other in hallways and stuff, which has been so great.

And sometimes it's useful to give somebody a chance to miss you, to take a little time away so when you come back together, you can see each other with new and fresh eyes, where you can drop the scales of, I just see you through my own challenges and difficulties as opposed to, you know, I can go work on them a little bit and come, come back and see you. For you, which is what we all want with each other and for each other anyway. So that's what I have this week. Balance, balance. For if you are somebody who just goes, goes, goes, goes, goes.

People are a good use of time and it's worth it to spend and invest the time there. If you are somebody who's people, people, people, people, people, it's useful to be able to back up a little bit. And as a leader, it's useful to be alone to see what you are not wanting to hear in the quiet of solitude. That's useful information as well. And if you're a leader, people are a good use of time, especially if you're a manager, but your colleagues are a good use of time. Cohesion is useful for many, many things.

Diversity of ideas is useful for generating problem, you know, solutions to problems more quickly and more effectively. But cohesion is useful for a group to function well and to withstand difficult times. So that's what I have for you. Cadre Livestream. I hope that you have a great, great week. I hope that we see each other in the app. See you soon.