Freedom To Be- Letting Go Of Other’s Expectations

Good morning, Cadre world. This is Dr. Jessica Green. And today we are definitely going to focus on that moment of personal growth, but then also talks about what does that look like in terms of freedom. So we are going to wait for some others to come in. And if you are joining us for the first time, my name is Dr. Jessica Green. Good morning. And everyone is rolling in. I am Dr. Jessica Green and I am a licensed therapist in South Carolina. I'm also a licensed supervisor for lpcas and I teach continuing ed units for our counselors throughout the state of South Carolina.

So when we talk about, you know, personal growth and those multiple hats that we wear, I'm guilty because I'm definitely wearing one of those. So when we talk about personal growth, in the past we've talked about boundaries, our ability to say no, our ability to be courageous, have compassion and build connections while we're still taking care of us. I totally get it and I totally understand. So we're going to wait for some others to come in. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. I see we have Michelle here and we have some others joining us.

But today again we are going to talk about personal growth. We're going to talk about freedom, but most importantly, the freedom to be our ability to let go of others expectations. So today we're going to talk about something again that weighs heavy on all of us and again to set expectations. It's not only the expectations that we set for ourselves, but the expectations that others set for us. Because sometimes others have that high expectation of us, whether it's silent or whether it's loud, but that's something heavy that's placed on us, you know, not only externally but also internally.

And at some point, if we think about our lived experiences and in our journey through life, there were others who had a vision for us that we might not have had for ourselves. For example, our parents. You know, during high school, your parent might have had that career choice that they wanted for you, but one that you didn't want for yourself. For example, if your family has educators, the expectation may be that you go into teaching, but for you, you're like, hey, I want to go into business, I want to go into finance, I want to go into a separate area of career where I can grow and I can thrive.

But it was that expectation of your family to do something else. And that's something that you didn't want to do, but it's something that everybody else wanted you to do. Right? Even with society, sometimes with society, oh, you should be married by 30 or even those moments when we go to those class reunions and everyone's talking about their family, their husband, and then here you are, that single person with no children, you know, and they come to you and they're like, hey, so how's life been treating you?

And, you know, we had that moment. We were like, where we had to, you know, think fast and come to our feet. But not allowing that expectation of others to affect who we are. And realizing, too, this is your journey. This is your ability to write that narrative and no one else writing it for you. And even when we talk about friends, sometimes our friends expect you to show up, even when we are barely surviving ourselves. And in that moment, you're focusing on that person that they want you to be and not that person that you want to be.

So when we think about expectations, expectations aren't truth. They're projections. They're not truth, but there are projections. And when I say that, I want you to think about freedom. And that freedom begins when you separate your identity from someone else's agenda. Again, you're separating your identity, your values, your character from someone else's agenda. So what does that look like? And I want you to think about these three questions. You think about personal growth, your freedom, and then your ability to let go.

So I want you to think about these three things. And if you are in your car, I want you to think about it. If you're in your office, I want you to write them down. But I want you to process this moment. So I want you to think about who am I outside of what people expect? So I want you to think about that intrinsic motivation, that motivation that comes within that motivation. You know, when we think about something or we share a topic, we feel that fire within because that motivates us. So I want you to think about, who are you outside of what people expect?

Number two, what values truly guide my life? So for me, family is one of those values, because family is extremely important to me. Traveling is. But traveling, in a sense, when we're enjoying life and living in the moment. The third question is, if I weren't afraid of judgment, what would I choose? For some of us, is that expectations, that perception that stops us from being our authentic self, and it decreases our sense of vulnerability where we're able to again, face that fear, but us being courageous at the same time.

So if you were not afraid of judgment, what would you choose to do? And as you think about that, I want you to close your eyes, if you can. If you're driving, do not close your eyes, but I want you to take that deep breath and I want you to say to yourself, I release the pressure to perform. I choose peace over perfection, and I'm allowed to evolve. I release the pressure to perform, the expectation of others. I choose peace over perfection. And we know perfection does not exist. And I'm going to allow myself to evolve, going to allow myself to grow, and I'm going to allow myself to reach that next level.

So as you think about that affirmation, as you think about those three questions about growth and your ability to pause and reflect, I want you to think about three things and three takeaways. As you continue your week and go into next week. I want you to check the source. So before saying yes, I want you to ask yourself, is this my desire or someone else's expectation? Is this something that I want to do? Or am I using that passive communication where I'm agreeing just to agree, but inside I'm saying, oh, my gosh, I do not want to attend this event.

But we're attending because of someone else's expectations. The second thing I want you to do is redefine success. So when I say that, I want you to set your own standards based on your own growth, based on your own peace and then your purpose, not the applause, because sometimes individuals do things for the applause. But I want you to redefine your success based on what gives you that intrinsic motivation, your ability to grow, your ability to have that peace within, and making sure it matches with your purpose.

Because when your purpose and your passion come together, it is such a beautiful thing. And third, I want you to protect your energy. We may say, protect your energy, protect your peace, but when we think about those two words, it sets the tone of setting boundaries. So boundaries aren't rejection, they're redirection back to your authentic self again. We're protecting our inner peace. We're protecting our energy. So when we set boundaries, I don't want you to see it in a sense of inappropriate guilt or you're rejecting someone.

I want you to see it as a redirection back to you being able to be your authentic self again, being that person that you're supposed to be, not that person that everyone else wants you to be. So you can protect your freedom, you can protect your personal growth and also your ability to thrive and continue to do something that meets your passion and your purpose. Yes, Michelle, protecting your energy and peace is extremely important because. Because there are some individuals who absorb all of your energy, you know, and does not give you that sense of peace or that sense of personal growth.

Because sometimes it takes you back to that place you're fighting so hard to get away from. So when we talk about personal growth, protecting your peace, you don't owe anyone the version of you that they imagine. You only owe yourself the freedom to become who you actually are. So you owe yourself the freedom to become who you actually are. So I want you to take the day and think about four things you don't want to ask yourself. These four questions people get the best of you in. So these are those great qualities that people bring out the best in you.

Some individuals get the worst of us win. So this is going to be those triggers that do not allow yourself to reach that personal growth. This is what I bring to the table. So we think about that intrinsic motivation, our values and what we bring to the table. And then lastly, you know, this is what I need from others to be my best self to allow that personal growth. So this is when you get the best of me. When this is when you get the worst of me. This is what I bring to the table. And then this is what I need from you in order to be my best self, to be my authentic self and be the best of me.

So this is a great activity to do with your family, co workers, you know, any of my managers that are out there. That is a great tool to identify, you know, your, your co workers, the people that you manage, understanding. Hey, this is when you get the worst of me. This is when you get the best of me. This is what I bring to the table. But most importantly, this is what I need from you to be my authentic self and work towards that personal growth and work towards that freedom. So until next time, give yourself grace and keep evolving because you on the right track and your time is now.

So thank you all for attending today. I'm live on Wednesdays at 10:30 Eastern Standard Time, 9:30 CST. And always, always, always continue to be true to yourself. Be authentic, be courageous, have compassion and build connections. Until next time, see you soon.