Free To Be Dad

All right. Hello, Cody Sphere. I'm pretty sure this is working. It just said I was an unauthorized user, but I'm gonna go ahead and trust that this is working. Happy Saturday. Happy Week two. Conscious fatherhood that we talk about on this day. You know what's so funny? I'm thinking about. You could probably see some of the cars around me, but, like, one of the funny things is, is, like, how you can create certain appearances. You know, this has nothing to do with my live stream, but I just think it's funny.

So I can create the appearance that I'm, like, in nature, in the woods, but the truth is I'm at Ridgedale Mall, and, like, I'm behind a giant wall, but I'm trying to make it look like, you know, we're just chilling in nature, but I'm not. So I'm still here in Minnesota. Leave tomorrow. It's been a wonderful, wonderful trip and really a truly wonderful trip with my daughter. And, you know the title of today's talk is or live stream, whatever it is. It's called Free to be a dad, right? Because the theme this month is freedom, right?

And every second Saturday, I talk about conscious fatherhood. So. So, like, what do I mean by free to be a dad? Well, one, like, when my dad was a dad, he was not free to be a dad, and his dad was not free to be a dad because dads were expected to be providers and disciplinarians, and that was pretty much it. And if you wanted an emotional connection with your kid, it really wasn't supported. It certainly we weren't necessarily taught how to do that. So then fast forward my generation, and then I've got my daughter, and I do want to have an emotional relationship with my daughter, and I'm expected to.

In fact, one of the sayings that I have in this kind of current day and age is that the expectations for men about being fathers have changed dramatically, while the guidance on how to meet those expectations has been minimal. And so, again, like, what does it mean to be free? Free to be a dad? Well, in the description that I talked about, one of the things I mentioned was the man rules, right? So we've got all these ideas, this gender conditioning inside of us that tells us what kind of men we're supposed to be.

And so much of how we're trained to be men, even the younger generations who. It's. It's lighter, right? It's. It's just like. It's. It's. It's not as intense. It's not as rigid, but it's still there. But. But like, when in our society there is permission for men to be emotionally connected and emotionally supportive, even in expectation for men to be emotionally connected, emotionally supportive. As fathers, that is what we are expected to do. And, you know, we're free to do that to the extent that we can.

But how do you do something you were never taught? It's like somebody saying, hey, yeah, you're free to speak French as much as you want, but you've never had a French class. And in fact, you were taught that French was stupid and for sissies and for girls, right? So, like, it's kind of like, how do you shift that and how do you do that in a really meaningful way? So, like, what does it mean to be free to be a dad? Well, the truth is, every father is free to be the best daddy can be if he's willing to get support, if he's willing to take an honest look at how he's doing, if he's willing to not do it in a vacuum, right?

There was a time where I was out there talking about being a father and talking about being an amazing dad. I wrote a curriculum called Amazing Dads. I'm writing a book called Amazing Dads. And it was all about being amazing. But there also was like a missing piece for me where I wasn't being, like, truly accountable for my behavior. And some of my past childhood wounds and trauma were coming out sideways on my daughter. And I wasn't even, like, really free. I wasn't free of it because I wasn't truly being honest about it.

Right? Some of it was the shame, the shame of my behavior. And some of it was like the ability to say, oh, but I'm a. I'm an 80% dad. You know, I'm an 80, 20 dad. 80% of what I do is awesome. 20%, you know, I could use some help, need some work. But the truth is that some of that 20% was not cool, was not loving, was not supportive. And it's not about being a perfect dad, right? It's not about doing these things perfectly. It's about doing them consciously and really having the opportunity to do that in a really thoughtful way.

And so it's kind of like, what does it mean to be a conscious father? What does it mean to be free, Truly free to be a dad? Well, I, like, I just came from an event, so I'm in recovery. 12 step recovery, 31 years. Every year in Minnesota, my home group, my meeting, main meeting, we have a picnic and It's a men's meeting, but the spouses are invited and the kids are invited. And I am surrounded by fathers being amazing dads, right? They are free to be dads because they are not restricted by the gender conditioning that they have had over the years.

They are not restricted by the rules that say, oh, I can't be emotional with my child. I can't be vulnerable with my child. I can't apologize to my child. I can't let my child have the quote, unquote, upper hand by actually apologizing and kind of showing my underbelly, so to speak. Right? You know what? One of the coolest things was for me today? Because even though I'm in Los Angeles, I join this meeting every week via Zoom, and it's a hybrid meeting, so it's live and in person. Then people joining via Zoom, and all of these guys, because my daughter came with me to the party and all of these guys were like, your dad really loves you.

Oh, your Grace. Oh, my God, I've heard so much about you. Your dad really loves you. Oh, my God, your Grace, blah, blah, blah, blah. Your dad really loves you. You have made such an amazing impact on your father. All these guys that she's. Some of who she's known for a long time and some who she's never met, but that was like, the ongoing message was just like, was that. So I'm freer and freer to be the dad I want to be simply because I don't let the gender conditioning rule my decisions. But I'm aware of it.

Because if you're not aware of the gender conditioning that affects. Affects how you parent, it will affect how you parent. Like, if you're not aware of how the man rules, if you're a man, if you're a father, if you're not aware how those operate within you, they will get in a way of you being the best loving, empathic father. And that's what I've learned, right? So free to be a dad. Absolutely. When I'm free from the conditioning of being a man, and I'm freer than ever to be the dad I want to be.

So those are my thoughts on this Saturday. Happy Saturday, everybody. And take care of.