Coffee Chats With Dr. D-Just Feel It

Hey, Cadre, what's going on? It's me, Dr. D ami Coffee. I had it on the go this morning because I had a different doctor's appointment and it was a good appointment. I got some good news. I'm doing well. My A1C is better. It was good before, but it was, it's even better now. So I'm really proud of myself. And today we're savoring the month of August. And so what we're going to be talking about today is how we can savor our emotions. Hello there. And so my title for today is Just feel it. So I want to ask a question before we get started.

How many of you pay more attention to your thoughts and how many of you pay more attention to your emotions? So if you can just drop that in the chat. Do you notice that you pay more attention to your thoughts throughout the day? Are you paying more attention to your emotions? And I would say personally, I am an emotion driven person and I think a lot of women are. But there are some women that are more logical. And most people will say that men are logical and they struggle to identify their emotions.

But as a therapist and as a relationship therapist, I have recognized that's not always the case. So. So I do notice though, being an emotion focused therapist, that many people struggle to identify clearly what they're feeling. So we may notice that we're feeling something, but we don't always know what that emotion is. And my guess is that it's because we're only taught our basic emotions. Like we're taught to recognize anger and sadness and happiness. And I know there's a movie, I can't remember the name of it.

It'll come to me if you know it. Drop it in the chat. It's Disney movie talked about emotions and they just had a second one come out, like in a year or two, past year or two. What is it called? Inside Out. Y' all know that movie Inside Out. And I thought that movie was so well done because it, it describes what's going on inside of us that we don't see, but we are experiencing it. And it also shows how we don't always pay attention to it. So this is your challenge for the day, and I'm going to lead us through this is to learn to pay attention to what you feel and to really savor the feeling.

Because we are so quick to just move through our emotions so fast because maybe they're uncomfortable or we get shame for how we're feeling or sometimes, you know, I don't know if you've ever been like the happy person and you're so excited, you have so much energy, but that feels like it's too much for other people around you. That's never me. I will say I'm mostly a chill person. And so I'm always kind of I'm the person that's absorbing other people's emotions, if that makes sense. And so I have to make time to recognize what I'm feeling and make sure I'm not feeling what other people are feeling.

Hope that helps you if you're hearing this. So the question I have is one, we kind of started out with it. How often do you pay attention to your emotions? So if I think about just a regular day, for me, I think most adults, we have tasks like we're always going to the next thing and we might notice maybe stress or when something doesn't feel good, but we might not know what to name it. Right. And so I want to thank someone and she's in here with us. Ms. Brittany, I'm going to shout you out, but she introduced me.

Yes, you already put it in the chat. There's an app called How We Feel and I have been using that with my clients and I actually started using it for myself. So if you haven't checked it out, go to your. Whatever store you use, like Apple or Android. Couldn't even remember the name Android because I'm not an Android, I'm an Apple user. But go to your the place where you can download your apps and look up how we feel and I'll explain to you how it works. So when you log in and you can check throughout the day, several times a day, it'll ask you a basic question.

What are you feeling right now? Is it high energy? Is it low energy? Is it a positive mood, negative mood? And it's got these four basic categories. Once you select that, it'll move to the next thing to help you identify what is the specific emotion. And what I like about this app is it will give you options and you can click on it and it'll read off like the description of what that emotion is. And it's so powerful because then you get to say, no, that's not it. It's more like this. And then you might open that and see that description.

Like, no, that's not really it. It's this, this. And then you can really figure out what are you feeling in that moment. And it goes on to look at not only what are you feeling, but what's going on at the moment when you're feeling it. So where are you right? What environment are you in at the moment? Who's around you? Are you with your family, your friends? Are you at work? You know, are you alone? Are you in your room? Are you at every work? Are you? And I even had to add mine. I was at Jujitsu one time when I used it and I was feeling really proud of myself.

And so I opened the app because I wanted to remember what I was feeling in the moment and I wanted to log it. And the cool thing. So the more you use the app, the more you can see patterns for yourself and you can see when you're feeling happy or sad or wherever. The positive or the. I call them unwanted emotions, the ones that are uncomfortable, when you can see what's going on in your day or who are you around that might be triggering some of that? It's so real cool to watch. So I want you guys to try that and if you can, let me know, come back to this video and comment and let me know how that's been working for you.

So over time, you'll see charts, and it's color coded. So for those of you who like colors and you like planning and charting, this is a perfect app for you. I wish I would have designed this. I'm not going to lie, y'. All. It's so good. So I want you to try that out. But today, now that we're all here together, let's try to figure out what are we feeling right now? Okay. That's your question. What are you feeling right now? And if you're like, how do I do that? I'm not good with emotions. Right.

I don't know what I'm feeling. I don't feel anything. I'm just thinking, well, I'm a slow you down. First thing I want you to do is take a deep breath. Okay. Do it with me. Okay. So settle yourself. Then I want you to pay attention to what do you feel? Do you feel anything in your body right now? So I'm noticing for myself. I've got some tingling in my fingers. My heart is racing a little bit. Not too fast, but it's excited. Right. I notice I've got energy in my arms. Okay. And so I can kind of hone in.

And I know what I'm talking about. I'm at home, I'm safe. I love this topic. And so I'm identifying that. I feel energized and I'm excited. Right. I love talking about emotions. So that's my feeling. So if you can, if you did that with me, if you took a deep breath, you settled in with yourself and you pay attention to where you're feeling something in your body. If you can just name that. Where do you feel something? Is it in your head, your shoulders, your fingers? You feel in your gut? You feel in your heart, your chest?

You can just name that. Where are you feeling something? And if you want to take it a step further, if you want to share with us, what emotion are you feeling? Are you happy? Sad? Are you frustrated? Confused? Are you curious? Are you nervous? Are you nervous to share what you're feeling? Because sometimes we're scared to say something about what we feel because we don't want people to judge us. But this is a judge free zone, right? Cadre. We're all here together. We're learning together. We're going through life together.

This is a safe space. So are you, are you feeling safe? Are you feeling comfortable? Are you feeling shy? Name it for me. Okay, I'll give a few minutes to sit with that. So where are you feeling something? And what is the emotion that's attached to that? Okay. And I want you to dig a little deeper because I'm going to share some truth with you. So there are times where I've learned, working with other people's emotions, that there are some emotions that I am comfortable with and some that I'm not so comfortable with.

I'm seeing people feeling tense and nervous, Anxiety, stress, frustrated, self conscious. That's a good word. Calm and tired, angry and hyper. Oh, we're gonna calm you down a little bit. Take a deep breath. I won't say calm down because that is triggering. When you tell somebody, calm down, it's like, wait a minute, don't tell me what to do. But I have learned that there are emotions that I am okay with dealing with other people's emotions. But for myself, it doesn't feel so good. So I've worked with teens that, that I lead an anger management program and it's really violence prevention.

But I have an anger management session and I have recognized that I can deal with other people's anger. That is one emotion, that it's a big emotion. But I can sit with other people's anger. But what I do struggle with is when I see.