Who You Share With

Good day. Good day. Cadre. How are we doing? Just waiting for some people to hop in here. I know that it is totally a fall fall beauty out today. Hey, Speak Wonder. I'm loving it. There's the wind there. Hey, Andi. Mack. The wind, the leaves. I'm just grateful. Tay. Hello. Good afternoon. I guess it's afternoon now. So I have just been really adoring all the color changes and. Hey, Anna. Good day. Speak Wonder. So I am just like loving it. I got the door open and I can like hear the wind and the ruffling of the leaves.

I love fall. Love, love, love fall. Hope you guys enjoy fall too. But today wanted to dive into and continue our conversation on harvesting with others. Specifically, I noted who we share it with. And it's really crucial that we pick. I don't want to say pick, but we decide and share wisely. Right? There are a lot of humans out there. And I know that finding and cultivating a strong inner circle to took me a really long time, especially when I grew up with a circle that kind of wasn't the best for me.

And so I just wanna talk about something that feels really, really timely right now. In a world that is very divided is, you know, who you're sharing your energy with, who you're sharing your love with, who you're sharing your presence and your gifts. Your soul with really matters to them, but also to you. Your soul can get filled by others and it can also get depleted by others. Your energy can get drained from certain things or people or situations. It can also elevate from different people situations and on.

On. I am having a hard time speaking today, so excuse me. Ana says this topic really resonates right now. Yes, totally. And I want to emphasize that who you keep close really matters. It's difficult to have everybody close, right? And it's impossible. We can't. We only have so much time in the day and, you know, not everybody deserves our presence. Not everybody. Nikki. Hey, not. We can't be present for everybody. We can't give everybody a slice of ourselves because then we're. We're. We're caught up in a million and pulled in a million different directions.

And there's people that have been in your life for a really long time. There are people. There's that saying that goes. People are in your life for a reason. A season or a lifetime. And I love that saying because sometimes we hold onto some relationships that may not benefit us just out of the fact that we've put in all this time and energy into this relationship that we feel invested and we want to continue to get the return on our investment because of all this energy and time we put in to this person or this group or this, this church.

I had a client yesterday, she had to leave her church of 15 years and she said it was hard to grieve that. And so there's all sorts of situations. A job, maybe leaving a job. That's a big part, 40 hours of our week of our living life. There's big changes. And who we choose to work for, who we choose to hang out with, what group we decide to put energy into is really, really crucial. And so I recommend evaluate your circle closely and honestly. It's hard, but sometimes we have to step back and be like, okay, who does this person?

Or is this draining me? And it doesn't have to be a person, it can be a project, right? Like you're working on a project with somebody that may drain you, it may elevate you, it may fill you up, it may not. But, but really being honest about like who fills me up, who sees me for who I really am, who can I be myself in front of, who reciprocates? And that's been a really big one for me is noticing these one way relationships where why am I giving when they're not coming to meet me even one step of the way.

That was a pretty telltale sign for me of I'm just gonna deviate a little bit. And again, I've said this previously, we don't have to have this abrupt like I'm not your friend anymore, you know, that's not what we need to do. We just kind of go our own ways. We always wish them well. But. And Luke had a really good post, I think it was yesterday of like owning our part in it. Like are we showing up gossiping, Are we showing up triangulating? Are we showing up? And to divide. That's. It's just because you're evaluating your circle.

You are part of that circle too. We need to take accountability for ourselves. And I know, you know, super quick story, I was in a circle that wasn't that great, but I was years ago and I finally had to look at myself and see how I was contributing to the ickiness of that circle. I wasn't helping, I was hindering my own growth and everyone's growth in that circle because I would, they say your environment, you know, you become your environment sometimes. And so that's why it is really important to choose who you surround yourself with.

Because you will start to act like them. Your Was it the top five people that you're with that you spend the most energy or the most time with is who you start to act like and look at your five people. That's what I would say. Evaluate your circle, evaluate yourself on top of evaluating yourself. It's also really insightful that we ask ourselves what are we bringing to the table here? What is the purpose of this friendship? What am or who am I showing up as here? And is it helpful? Is it kind? Is it, is it energy?

Is it a mutual energy? Or does it like cause a little friction? It's hard to evaluate ourselves sometimes. Sometimes it helps to have a third party do that. But I think it's still a good practice to really, really notice what are the part we play within it too. And then also noticing how we feel after interactions is a really good telltale sign of like, wow, I just spent three hours with her and she talked the whole time. I maybe said five sentences or that's an extreme example, but it has happened.

But feeling what's tuned in and sometimes it's not always accurate. Right? Like our body can, can share us and give us insight but sometimes it's just like going back to reflecting on ourselves. Like maybe my energy just wasn't good that day or I had a really long week and I have a lot to handle right now and. And so I just couldn't really be there. So that's another thing too. It might not always be the person, it can sometimes be us, which is uncomfortable. But it's true that inquiry, I feel like that's always my step number one or tip number one for all my lives is like go within and see what's going on.

And hopefully I'm not knocking it down too hard. But it's, it does matter. Then we can get a little more clear on, okay, I'm here, so now I can go here or make an informed decision from clarity. And so how does this relate to like sharing and creating abundance when we're in this world right now where it's just everybody is just not in a good space. Everyone wants to be right. Everybody wants to share and like project what their thoughts are and like, which is fine. You can totally do that. I'm not knocking on that freedom of speech, all that whatever.

What I am saying is are you helping or hindering when you're doing that? Take some, some presence before you post. Take some presence before you preach. Take some time for yourself before you share with others to really notice by being Aware of how I'm showing up in this group of people in this company, in this situation. Because our presence is the best gift we can give somebody in that, in, in a moment. Right? Because if you're not paying attention, you're, you're not really there, you're not listening, you're not able to provide thorough solutions for the company or the person.

And so really to cultivate abundance within and within the, the circles or communities that you're in. It starts with presence, with ourselves and how we're showing up. Like I, like I previously mentioned, but really pausing. Let's all just take a breath. Let's all just take a breath. It's Friday. We're slowly, slowly moving into the weekend here. But maybe put, even put your hand on your heart and just say like, how am I showing up today? Right, because that matters. How you're showing up on Cadre, how you're showing up on.

And, and I'm not saying that it needs to be this performative, positive thing. That's not what I'm saying at all. We all have the right to show up in our own messes and that's fine. Speak Wonder says, I want to be a non anxious presence in my circles. Heck yeah. That is so crucial and so needed right now. I have so many friends that are just completely devastated and anxious about the state of affairs. And so if you can be that, that ground, that rock for them, then that's great. There's also a thing to consider of, you know, can I listen to, to what they're saying and not project like, well, you need to talk to somebody else because you've been saying this for two months now.

There's a way where people, when, you know, people need help, we still have, we still can listen and be open to the fact of I, I hear you, I see you and we can tackle this together. I also think it might be good for you to tackle it with a professional. It might be good to get a third party point of view. And I've had that conversation recently where I did have to tell a friend that, you know, talking to a professional therapist might be in your might be a good thing right now. And I didn't push it, I just suggested it.

And thankfully, because I had listened and I was open and still carrying a conversation, she, she received it. Well, sometimes that's not always the case and we can't really control how people receive stuff as long as we're coming from open, grounded place. It's really helpful. And yes, that deep breath before you give anybody any type of feedback or suggestions, always good to take a deep breath first just to make sure that we're not like overstepping our boundaries. But being present as 99% of anything you want, you will get if you're present.

And I shouldn't say that you're not going to get everything you want, nor should we. But being present gets you that much closer to being aligned with what's best for you. Sometimes we get stuff that we thought we wanted and then we don't. We got it or we got something that we had previously wanted it and as soon as we received it we're like, that's it. I guess, okay, now I want something else. And so we have to be careful of like getting what we want and going after all the things we want. Abundance is within.

It's this thing we share, it's the love we give, it's the laughter we live with others. It's the memories and experiences we make. At the end of the day, like at the end of our life, which may be 80 years. That's what everybody says. They wish they spent more time with their families, they wish they spent more time with their friends and their relationships. And so going back to who we're sharing it with, it really does make a difference. I mean everyone has different energies, right? Like you look at like Marilyn Manson has a completely different energy than Taylor Swift does.

You, you gotta, you gotta pick. And I know that's an extreme example, but it's, it's true. And being present about what, what's going on. And so if you guys have a better example, I'd love to hear your, your example of an enter, like maybe somebody that you want that you would love to like have a conversation with. Like what's the, if you could bring back anyone from history and have one dinner with them, like who would it be? Because everybody cares there carries their certain energy. And so if you have somebody like that, I'd love to see see in the chat.

But anyways, back to. In a roundabout way, starting with presence and taking evaluation of how we're showing up and who, who we are with. Additionally, when we're with people, we have to make sure we're sharing from this purity, this place of love and that we're not over giving. Because sometimes, unfortunately we live in a give to get society and that can get tricky. We don't want to give get because we think that they'll get or then they'll owe us one. Like that's not. And there's Even books that teach you how to do that.

I literally was going through an app and saw that there's this book that was teaching, like, how to get people to do what you want. Like, let's let people do what they want and try to accept the reality of where they're at and we can decide if we want to join in or not and move on. There's a bunch of other people out there we can hang out with. And so really being true to your values and who you are so that when you are with the people that you love, you are able to give your full focus, attention, love, generosity, without it coming from a place of wanting to get or manipulation or things like that.

And you know me, I'm always talking about our shadow stuff. It's just part of the human predicament. And so showing up authentically. And when we're empty, we can't give. So we have to continuously fill ourselves up so that we can show up for everybody that we care about when we need to, whether that's the community. So if something happens and everybody comes together, you're able to do that. So if you're not filling up and then all of a sudden, sudden something strikes and you're empty, you're not gonna be able to help your community as well as much versus if you were able to have that practice integrated in for rest, rejuvenation, and love.

So it really does matter that you don't deplete cup. Fill your cup regularly, figure out what those are for you so that you're able to be this light in people's dark worlds and in people's dark minds right now. And so that way, what you're spilling over is. Is a beautiful act. Rather a. Rather one that's you're just dripping because you're about to go dry and you're drained out, you know? Speak Wonder says Maya Angelou, a person I'd love to have coffee with. She was calm and fierce and a poet. Yeah.

Oh, I would love that too. And I love poetry. You always have some poetry on there, Speak Wonder. Every once in a while. I love that. So, yeah, Maya Angelou would be. Would be great. I would love to. Yeah. There's so many people I would love to have a conversation with and see what it was like. So another thing I'll mention here, starting to ramble and get on time. So apologies is practicing generous reflection. What I. What I mean by that is assume positive intent with others and then also mirror their, like their good qualities, mirror their best self, mirror Mirror them so that they can like see themselves through you.

And that way it gives them not only camaraderie, but also they feel like they are being their best. It'll make them want to show up their best in addition to you showing up as your best. It gives them the permission to do that too. Because people mirror who they are around. And when you show up and you are able to be that open space and that bounce back, they're gonna feel free to do the same. And that will pay dividends in your relationship long term. And it also will just enrich your soul. It'll just feel good.

It feels good to help people. It feels good to be there for people. And you know when you've been down and out and someone was there for you, it felt good. And so that is how we can cultivate this abundant loving kindness energy when we're with our friends, with our family and how we can show up in the community. And so we're not going to always get it right, we're not. And some days we may have to over give, other days we may just have to isolate to take care of ourselves and self care a little bit more.

It's like a teeter totter, but we figure it out as we go and. And so as long as we keep coming back to ourselves, coming back to presence, back to our reflection, how am I showing up? How is this helpful? How is this hindering my growth? Our growth, that is the work you're doing it, it's never gonna be perfect. It's never gonna be this like cut out line or circle of this is what you do. It's just a day by day practice. And so remember that your energy is very sacred. Your love and what you give is very sacred.

And just be mindful of who you're pouring into and who you're sharing it with. Because when you find your people, you will know, you will feel so lit up by them, you will just love to give. And that's a telltale sign that that person should be in your circle is gosh, I just came home. There's no competition, there was no angst, there was no nothing. It was just we filled each other up, we vibed, we matched. That can happen when we're true to ourselves, when we're present with ourselves and when we reflect with ourselves so that we can get step by step to that amazing place to be there for people and then in return they will be there for us.

So trust that the right people will meet you where you're at and when they meet you. It's not our choice, but if we continue to put ourselves out there and honor where we're at with what, how we're showing up and who we're inviting in, we can live in this beautiful, abundant life and give, give to others. So if you have anybody else you'd like to share with, who you'd like to have coffee with, I would love to hear it in the comments. If there's anything that you've struggled with or sometimes having difficult conversations with people that, you know, you maybe don't mesh with anymore.

There's a lot of Cadre coaches here, including myself. We can, you can go on the app and get on our schedule, but remember that it starts within. It starts with you. Starts with presence. So with that, I hope you all have a great rest of your day. It's been a jam to come and hang with you all. Share anything in the comments that you'd like to chat about. For next week. We'll continue this, this harvest conversation with people, but I'm looking forward to it. Been loving, loving the Cadre posts this month, so I will stop talking now.

Have a lovely day. Enjoy. Get outside, fill your cup and feel the peace. Thank you.