Password Protected

Andre, fam. Doctor Carrie here. My usual Wednesday livestream. Let me know if you can hear me, okay? I'm using my microphone and sometimes I have a little bit of issues with this. But today we're going to talk about a little bit deeper topic than usual. But I think we could all argue that trust is a fundamental, fundamental value in every relationship. Whether it's at the top for you like it is for me, or maybe it's number three or five out of the list, but it's probably near the top for everyone in relationships because it's just kind of like the foundation of relationships, right?

To have trust. And what then do you do when trust is broken? Now, you might be the type of person that you have to, like, earn their trust. Okay, so, like, you have to build up equity in the bank with the trust. Or you might be the person that trusts people really easily. And then when trust is broken, it's like, well, you're never getting that back. That was a free gift and you had one chance. So whatever kind of person you are, I know we all have like a spectrum of how we deal with trust, but regardless of that, in a relationship, trust is a fundamental thing.

And a lot of times trust also comes with being vulnerable. Right? Like, we have to show the other person that we're gonna show up as our best self. And it might not be our best self every day, but we have to show them, you know, what this is you're gonna get from me. And it's that authenticity and vulnerability that actually leads to increasing more trust. So then what do you do when trust is broken? Now I'm gonna share my story and I'm gonna share my perspective on this and how I think you can rebuild trust.

And just know this is my personal opinion. You might disagree with this method, but I can tell you that it's helped me in all of my relationships since. So in my marriage, we experienced infidelity. It started with my ex husband actually having an emotional affair, and then I ended up having an affair later on as well. And I. The worst thing I've ever done in my life. And it's taken me a long time to forgive myself because that's just not who I am at the core to do that. But I want to just tell you then in subsequent relationships, I struggled with trust issues.

And some of the guys I dated struggled with trust issues as well because they knew my history. And there's that frustration phrase, once a cheater, always a cheater, which is so not true. But I just want to shed some light onto. Then how do you rebuild trust? Let's say you're still in that relationship where trust has been broken, and that's like the. The worst, unimaginable thing, right? When there's infidelity, that's one of the most, like, harshest forms of betrayal in a relationship. But there could be other things that you've experienced that have broken trust, whether this is in friendships or with significant others, with your partner, with your spouse.

And then how do you rebuild that trust? So here are some tips I want to share with you if that is the kind of betrayal or trust broken in your relationship. Number one, I titled this presentation password protected for a reason. Because we live on our devices, right? And that's so easy to have trust issues with the other person's device. Okay? Like, I have a very trusting relationship right now, and yet if my fiance pulls out his phone when we're hanging out and starts just doing stuff, it kind of hits at the trust factor.

I know he's not texting another woman, but it's like, hey, am I not as important to you? And you're sitting there on your device, right? Like, so just think about what your phone does in your relationship. There's so many things that our phones can help with and hinder in our relationships, and this is the biggest one. What do you hide on your phone? Because if you were in a committed relationship, in a marriage, there shouldn't really be anything you hide from your spouse or your partner. And maybe you guys have different relationship rules, that's fine, too.

But I want to argue that if you have had trust broken, you almost need to go to the extreme the other way, especially with your phone and especially with sharing things. So, like, in the relationships I had after this, because I obviously did not stay married, I was extremely open with my phone, like, to my significant other. You can know my passwords. You can have access to all my text messages. You can have access to my Facebook messenger. There is literally nothing I have to hide. And I was with one guy for quite a while after this, and he had some trust issues because that was my past, and there was a fear there that was going to happen in this relationship.

And so in order to help the other person overcome some of the fear and the trust issues that they have, if you've been the one that's. That's betrayed trust, you almost have to, like I said, go to the extreme and go to the other side of everything is an open book. Like, I have nothing to hide from you. I want to build that trust back. So if you're on the other side of this and you're saying, I've been the one that's been betrayed, it's okay to ask for that because you probably are sitting there with a fear that the trust has been betrayed, and you're wondering, are, am I ever going to build up that bank again?

Because I really need my partner to be extremely open with me and extremely vulnerable to be able to say, I would like to see what you're doing on your phone. I'd like to see what you're texting. I don't understand why you have a count hidden from me. Like, there should. There should be no secrets, right? When you're trying to build back trust, and it's okay to ask for that now, you might need to be in couples counseling to do. To work through a lot of this stuff. I can only imagine what that feels like to be the person because I have been betrayed, right.

As far as, like, infidelity in a relationship. And so I know what that's like to sit on that side and say, I'm going to need a little bit more information about that person you're hanging out with because I'm just. I'm struggling right now. I'm struggling. And you don't have to project that onto them and say, like, I'm assuming you're doing this and I don't trust you. You want to build that trust back with someone, and you say, you have to be really open on both sides in order to build trust back in a relationship like that.

So that's just one tip. There's so many others I could give you, but I just want to emphasize the point of being vulnerable when you're building trust back in a relationship. And even in the beginning of a relationship, this is one of the hardest things to do, is to be vulnerable with the other person. Gosh, they're going to see me when I look like crap in the morning, or they're going to see me when I'm having a really stressful day and maybe I have a short temper. Like, if you are going to marry someone and be with them for the rest of their life, they're going to see all of that anyways.

So I always, when I coach people, especially women, say, you know what? Just show up and be your vulnerable self right from the beginning because they got to see it now. And I know there's a phase you go through in the beginning of relationship where you don't show every part of yourself but be as vulnerable as possible, especially in the start of a relationship, because you're really wanting to show up as your authentic self. And the more vulnerable you can be, the more you actually build trust with someone.

And it is such a beautiful thing when you have that level of trust in relationships that it doesn't take much to break it. Right? It's kind of like not penetrable. Right? It's like unshatterable, if that's even a word. And just. Just try it. Try being your vulnerable self. And especially when it comes to your device, be really open and transparent. There should be nothing you have to hide. If there is, I would do some inward reflections on that. So thanks for tuning in with me today, guys. I know this is a little bit heavier topic than I normally go with, but I just wanted to shed some light on this because I know what it feels like to have trust broken both sides in relationships, even in friendships, even in business partnerships.

Like, it feels so icky. It really does. It just eats at your inside when you feel like someone doesn't trust you or when you don't trust someone. And the best advice I can give you, just in general, to build trusting relationships, is just be honest and be vulnerable and authentic with people. And you'd be amazed at how that helps build your trust bank. So thanks for tuning in with me on this live today. God bless.