A host discusses choosing to stop drinking and navigates social situations, sharing personal stories about handling questions, changing group norms, and being mindful of the company one keeps while staying sober.
For those individuals in 2023 that are making some major changes their life, one is removing alcohol out of your equation. Breaking that norm and breaking that norm with individuals now that you used to do those things with all the time are going to be asking you questions. One time is okay.
Alec: Be careful of the circle and what it might mean for you mentally, the circle that you surround yourself with. Like at sporting events, there's sober, sober sections. There's a variety of other things that you can do. Take care.
Good morning, Cadre crew. We're back. Day 320 23. Hope everybody's having a great morning so far. Say, I just want to touch base with something that means a lot to me. And for those individuals in 2023 that are making some major changes their life, one is, let's call it removing alcohol out of your equation, out of your system. You know, whether it's going dry January, whether you're trying to take it for the entire year. You know, I just want to share, you know, some stories that I have that I think are very, very important going into it, just so you can, you know, be aware of.
Right. And so, you know, number one is, you know, making that decision, making that choice for some individuals, they may have ran with a crew. Maybe it's happy hours. Maybe it's the interaction with family or otherwise. The only thing that they know about you is maybe the social aspect of drinking, right. That you'd meet them for dinner or you'd meet them for a family event, a sporting event, and maybe they would include a couple alcoholic beverages, and that's just what you did. So that was your norm, right?
Well, breaking that norm and breaking that norm with individuals now that you used to do those things with all the time are going to be asking you questions. They're going to be asking you questions. They're going to ask you questions like, well, why are you doing this? Is there something wrong? Did something happen? Was it too much? Was it this? Was it this? It just seems like it's just gonna be this. This question and answer deal, right? Like, I'm. I'm year three into this journey of saying I'm not gonna have any alcohol today, right?
And I'm year three into that journey, and it doesn't matter, like, what I do, it still happens. Right? I'll give you an example. I was, you know, golfing this summer, right? Golfing this summer with three other guys. First time that I golf with these three other. This three group of guys, and, you know, they're. They're ordering, you know, beverages on the golf course, and, you know, I got a sprite, right? So I got a sprite, or I don't even know what it was. Diet Coke, something. Right? So I got something that wasn't.
That didn't have alcohol. And the first question was naturally, like, tell me why, you know, are you. Are you sober? Is. Is that you're in recovery? Yeah. You know, it just turned into this big to do, and for 4 hours, almost 4 hours on the golf course, it was all these questions, like, you know, tell me, you know, was it. Is it a big change? You know, do you sleep better? Do this? Do you this? And it wasn't even about the golf anymore. It's about, like, my sobriety, you know, my choice not to drink and their choice to drink.
And it's almost like this validating approach from themselves of, like, this comparison game of, like, you're doing. I'm not. And so then it just turns into this whole big thing. So, you know, what I want to caution you of is this. If that's your choice heading into your new year's resolution in 2023, that you're going to say, like, I'm going to drop alcohol or I'm going to put alcohol by the wayside, or I'm going to go sober. January. I'm just telling you, breaking those norms, you are going to deal with so many questions from people, and they might be uncomfortable at times.
They might push you on your why and your what, your how and all that stuff. And one time is okay, right? Like, one time is okay. Like, I'll answer the questions. I'll do it, but I don't want to do this over and over again. So set boundaries with those individuals. Like, I don't want to make hanging out with you be me explaining why I'm not choosing to drink today. Right? Like, that's not any fun for anybody, right? And so, you know, you're also going to find, like, there's groups of people that want you and want your social life, for lack of better words, to revolve around one thing and one thing only with them, which is alcohol.
It could be, like I said, the happy hour. It could be a social event. It could be a sporting event. It could be any of those things. But at the end of the day, that's what you've done. That's what you've done together. That's what it is. And so they need to accept the fact that the new you is not the old you, right? The new you of not having alcohol in your system and not having, you know, alcohol at the events that you chose to in the past, whether it was at home or otherwise, is just not part of your new you.
And if they can't accept that, you know, I always say, you gotta cut the fat out of your life, right? You've got to get the fat out of your life. I get the same question. So I order Nadrix, I hear you. I've done all of it. I've literally got the tonic water with the lime. I've done all of it just because I'm so sick and tired of the questions. I hear you, Alec. Get it? 110%. I do. The liquid death water. So again, it almost looks like alcohol, so I don't have to face those questions. But you know, those questions.
Like I said, I'm okay answering once, Alec. I'm okay with it once. But when it comes down to, like, this is what our relationship consists of, is me going back there the second, the third, and the fourth time. You got to just put up those boundaries, or you just got to realize, like, this isn't about me. This is almost like a them issue. Right. So think about those things while you're. It's just. It was on my mind because I know a lot of people right now are, you know, moving into 2023, this new year, this new them.
And a lot of people, like, want to try to, like, have dry January or just say, I'm gonna go as long as I can, day by day, without alcohol, which is an amazing choice, an amazing decision for you. And I think you should. I think that'd be great. But just be. Just be careful of the circle and what it might mean for you mentally, the circle that you surround yourself with and what it might mean for you mentally when you are trying to explain these things to individuals. And I think the cop out is, I'm just going dry January hit him in the mouth with brutal honesty.
Like, I do not want alcohol to be a part of my life, or I had an uneasy settling feeling with alcohol, or this is what I wanted to change and why or whatever, and just lean into setting boundaries with those individuals. You've heard me say that three times now. But if you don't, it just seems like the vehicle comes back around and around and around. Right? You know, I've been. I've been told before, over the last three years that I'm no fun anymore. I've been told before that this isn't you. I don't want to participate in sporting events.
Like the phone calls quit, the text messages quit, all those things shut down. My social circle has got very, very, very small. And to be honest, I'm okay with it. Like, I'm totally okay. Like, I. When I made this choice, I made this choice for my future and my family and all those decisions. Like, I just knew that my life was going to drastically change. And it just. It was what it was. And so when you make these decisions and you make these really hard decisions in your life, you have to realize, like, there are going to be some consequences that come with it.
And one of those might be friendships, it might be relationships, it might be family, it might be some of those things. So just be careful as you're moving forward with this so it doesn't turn, like, your awesome decision for personal growth doesn't turn into, like, a mental nightmare because of some of the things that you're gonna be faced with. Okay, don't do that. Do not do that. I went down that road for the first, like, six months of trying to, like, justify it and talk it through and work with individuals.
Now it's just like, I just. I just don't participate or don't go to things that I know I'm going to be, like, questioned for the 25th time about. It's just. I'm just over it, so. But there are other things that you can think about, too. Like at sporting events, there's sober, sober sections. So look into that. That's something that you just can just literally go have fun. You don't have to talk about why you got sober. You can just enjoy the game, which is a blast. So that's something that you can think about, right.
There's a variety of other things that you can do, but I just wanted to just share. By all means. You're absolutely right, Alec. What's great is that you find deep relationships with friendships. The older you get, the wiser you get and gain more. Wisdom is you realize if you don't have depth in your relationships, you don't have a whole lot of anything. Right. And so, you know, the breadth and depth of a relationship and meaning behind, you know, the individuals that you spend time with, converse with, break bread with, go to war with, in some cases, whatever that looks like to you, you're going to find that the search for meaning and purpose with the individuals that you spend your time with, which is so finite, matters more than you'll ever know.
And don't waste it trying to justify your decisions. Have an amazing day. Take care of yourself. I'm going to keep cranking with this vest for a little bit. We'll see you soon, guys. Thanks.
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