Your Dating Profile Pics & Your Mental Health

Hello cadre, I am Michelle. I am a dating coach from Unstuck by Michelle and I am glad to be here this evening. I apologize. I was supposed to be on at 515, but the minute I got off my last call, girl went to have a hamburger and I am sorry. It's not that cadre is not important. Life was lifeing. And though earlier I had my mascara was mascaring. My eyebrows were, I was looking good, perfect conditions to do a live stream. However, now I just showered. I don't have any makeup on and this is perfect for what I'm going to be talking about, which is dating profile pics.

A lot of times when I work with clients, a big hesitation that they have about online dating is their profile pictures. People don't feel confident in what they look like. They don't love pictures of themselves. And so that makes it really hard to then advertise yourself on a dating site and put your pictures up there. And it's tough. I get it. When I was on dating apps a while back, I really had a hard time smiling with my teeth. I would be like this in all pictures. I don't know. Not so much like that.

You get it. And I remember my sister said to me once, he's like, you have to smile with your teeth. People are going to think you don't have any. And I was like, I do, I do. But I was like, I just have to get over it. You want some variety in your picture. So then I was like, and I got kind of used to it. And now I don't care as much when I see pictures of myself smiling with my teeth. But there's a lot of reasons why I get that it's hard. it can impact your mental health, right? We know that dating apps, when you're on them, you're looking at people's pictures.

Yes, you're reading their profiles, but you're looking at their pictures and you're saying, is there some level of attraction to this person? Yes or no. And that's most of that is based on how somebody looks. So I get that it's hard if you don't feel good about how you look. If you don't even like how you look, if you don't feel good in your body, your skin, all of that, it can make online dating really tough. So I wanted to hop on here and one, just acknowledge that. That's a very common thing that happens when I work with people.

And two, talk about some ways to perhaps move through that, feel more neutral about it, or even tolerate it more so that you can get out there and use the dating apps if you want and not be so in your head. So I'm gonna talk about common things to avoid in your pictures, and then I'm gonna say like some things that I think would be really great for pictures. So common things to avoid in pictures is using tons of filters. Right. So when I said earlier I had this, I had makeup isn't bad. Makeup is not bad.

You can have pictures with makeup, but it just kind of I'm coming on here and raw dog in my face, fresh out the shower. You know, I got some cream on and stuff. I put a little bit of just Chapstick on. But people often have pictures that just have so much filters put on them or women are wearing so much makeup. Makeup is fun. Yep, it is. And it's fun to get dolled up sometimes. Yep, it is. And if you look very different when you have your makeup face and your normal face, your profile picture should represent your normal face.

So common error is I see too much filters or too much makeup. Other common errors that I see is when people wear hats in all pictures, and this is mainly men. and they're bald. And here's the deal. You wear hats in every picture, you maybe have some hair, and then you show up on a date and you're bald. That's just a little jarring, right? This whole thing is about being your authentic self. And so when you have these pictures that don't represent who you are and you show up on a date, it can be jarring.

It can set it off on a bad tone and it can be misleading. It's not malicious intent, not necessarily, but it is misleading if you are showing a bunch of pictures that don't look like you, right? Or a bunch of pictures in a hat and you show up and you're bald, right? It's misleading. So if you are bald, be your bald self, let your head shine because the right person is going to love your bald head. And nothing wrong with being bald. So common errors, the filter, the makeup, the hats in every picture.

tons of pictures with groups. Like I think it's cool to show that you have friends and you have community and family. And when there's a group picture, every picture, like who are you? Which one are you? they got to kind of cipher through and kind of pick you out. Also, I think common errors that people make in their photos is they kind of go too hard sometimes. And so what do I mean by that? Hear me out. I guess in the same round, be you. So I'm kind of taking back what I'm going to say. I'm going to say like some pick, when I say go too hard, his like more promiscuous photos that people will show like their shirts off at the gym, like their, and you know what, but then I was going to say if that's you, do it.

I don't care. If that is who you are, do it. So I take back. If I could rewind, pause, erase and play, I would. I think you should be you. If that's who you are, that's who you are. So Some things that I think every profile should have is, I think of it as like your dating profile LinkedIn photo. Now it doesn't need to be a three piece suit, you know, sitting up proper, but it should be just a picture of your face, right? Most of my clients that I work with on their dating profile, they have a selfie, right?

I'm gonna move this a little, but I have them just like reach out, smile, and snap a photo. You can do that. You reach, you put it a little higher, you look up, smile. Just don't have your hand like mine. You put it anywhere and just smile. Do it this way. But a selfie, right? There's nothing wrong with selfies and we don't always have people to take our pictures. So I always recommend a selfie with minimal to no makeup, no props, sunglasses, hats. Just be you. A selfie, an authentic selfie you.

And then we can get fun with some other pictures. I always recommend a full body pic because again, it can be misleading. Like people, like when you show up and you kind of look a certain way, like you want to just, people want to know what to expect. And so a full body pic that you can take, I wasn't prepared to do this, but I'm going to do it and set this up. See if I can. So a full body pic you could do. messy house is to come back. You can even set a timer on your phone and come back and just like peace sign, right?

Or you can just kind of stand. You can take a selfie in the mirror. Like I think that's an okay look. Selfie in the mirror, right? Doing something just fun and silly, but to show your body. Yeah. And then you can do pictures of doing things that you like. If you, I remember when I was on a dating app, I gardened at the time. It was a hot second little moment I went through. But I was like, I need a picture of this from my dating profile. So what I did is I set my phone on the ledge. I went out there and I was like, garden, click.

And it was just a selfie. You can do that at home. You can grab, this is not a coffee mug, but like a coffee and kind of set up your background to look like you're having coffee and just kind of laugh. And it can look like a candid photo, right? Selfies go a long way and you can set your phone up and you can do a lot with your phone. So again, selfie, a full body pic, doing something that you like. If you're active, doing something active, pickleball, biking, doing some type of activity that you like.

You can have a family pic. I think when you have children, I am very cautious with that. If your children are older, I think it's okay to have them in your profile pic. And by older, I mean like 18 plus. 18 plus or even teens, later teens. But I don't like little kids in people's photos. I don't like that. You got to protect your children first. Put a picture with your mom, with your dad. People love that. If you have a dog, if my dog was in here right now, I'd just take a little picture with Lucky.

Like there's tons. You just don't want to be in the same shirt in every picture. You want a little variety, but they should be of you. And they should be recent. I have clients who come in and they're like, oh, I love this picture. And it's, excuse me, it's from six years ago. And I'm like, so Jo, this looks like you six years ago. And they're like, but nope, I can tell. This looks like you six years ago. I went on a date with a guy once and I thought I was going on a date with him. I was, right?

But then I met him and I was like, oh, I was like, you look a little like older than your picture. And he was like, oh yeah, that was like 8 years ago. Something crazy like that. He's like, but I look the same. And I'm like, no, you don't. And the thing is, he wasn't trying to be malicious. He had it was a great pic and it didn't look like him. And I felt like just a little misled. So your pic should be recent within six months to a year. That means that if you're on the apps for a while, you have to update them.

And when I work with clients, I'm not a photographer, but I play photographer. I'm like, let's get some pictures. I send them some pictures. I'm like, try to replicate this, like have someone take your picture. And we get pictures that you feel okay about. You don't have to love them, but the reality is that when you show up on that date, that person is going to see your face, your body, they're going to see your hair, they're going to see your eyes, your skin. And no surprises is the best mentality.

So one thing I want to give you to walk away with to practice is every time you look in the mirror, so if you see your reflection in a car, you're brushing your teeth. Anytime you look in the mirror, I want you to say something positive about the way you look. You can say, I like my eyes. You can say, I like my height. You can say, I like my hair. You can say any of those things, but I want you to say at least one positive work your way up to three. They could be the same three every time. But we're changing that relationship with you and your self-esteem and your thoughts about how you look.

If you're having a day and we've all had those days when we look in the mirror and it just doesn't feel good, then you say, I'm grateful I have two eyes. I'm grateful that I can smell. I am grateful that I can eat. I'm grateful I can hear. Then just be grateful for what your body can do for you. And if those days are more often than not, it's important to talk to someone because you get one body, you get one home, and we got at least work to be neutral about it. So every day when you see yourself, just say, hey, you got nice eyelashes.

Hey, your skin is glowing today, right? Whatever positive you can think of about the way you look. And that is going to help you because my guess is if you are having such a hard time coming up with profile pics, not liking your pics, you're probably pretty mean to yourself about the way you look. You probably are. And we got to change that narrative because that's going to impact how you date, who you date, who you choose. There is someone, I believe there's multiple people for people on this earth.

I do believe that I will die on that hill. Is that the same people say? I will die on that hill. And in order to meet people, you got to put yourself out there. And dating apps is one way. That's what I'm talking about right now. It's just one way. There's other ways, but it's a great way to be in a place with a lot of singles. So again, my name is Michelle from Unstuck by Michelle. Follow me on Instagram, follow me on TikTok. Send me a DM if there's anything that you want to talk more about, anything you want to see me posting more about.

I'd love to hear the feedback. Sorry for my tardiness today, but it kind of worked out in the big scheme of things because I got to show up with no filter, no mascara, no nothing and practice what I preach. So yeah, that's all. I hope you have a lovely Thursday night.