Things We Aren’t Supposed To Talk About: Dreading The Holidays

Hey, everybody. Good morning. It is Shannon from allowed. Welcome to Cadre friends and family. Welcome to my allowed friends. All right. Today is a big week, and so today the topic is one that might be heavy. It's heavy for me. This is a heavy week for me. And what we're talking about is things we aren't supposed to talk about is that we don't like the holidays, that we dread the holidays. And that is hard. And so for those of you who don't know me, I'm Shannon. I'm the founder of allowed. And we exist to be a safe place to talk about things that are hard to talk about.

This is one of them. And so I'm going to start this morning by, I've thought a lot about this live because, you know, going into the holidays, which can be difficult, it's like, what do you want to hear, right. As someone who is this person who truly, when it hits, you know, honestly, October 15, people very first start to talk about thanksgiving. I just, I get incredible anxiety and everything in me tightens up. Good morning. Speak, wonder. Oh, my gosh. So good to see you. So when I thought about this week and what I wanted to say to you all and what I would want to hear myself, one of the things that came to my mind is good will hunting.

And so I don't know if you all know that movie. I'm sure you do. If you're, you know, thank you. Speak. Wonder if you, if you, if you're any, if you were born anywhere in the nineties, eighties. Nineties, two thousands. I'm sure you know good will hunting, right? It's Matt Damon. It's Robin Williams, Ben Affleck. And so there's this scene in it where Matt Damon is a kid who has a lot of issues, and he was abused and his father was an alcoholic and a lot of things. And he goes to see Robin Williams, who is his professor.

And Matt Damon is hardened, right? He's hardened because of the life he's had to live. And so there's this scene, and if you google it, it's called it's not your fault. It's three minutes. And I'm actually gonna get emotional. I watched it this morning preparing for, and it's resonated with me from the very first time I saw it. And in this scene, Matt Damon gets his essentially mental health eval back and Robin Williams looks at it and they start talking about it and they start to share that they both had that experience.

They've both been abused. They both had alcoholic fathers. And while that is not my story, I went through things just like I'm sure you did. And so in that scene, he brings up this, he brings it up and they start talking and he says, robin Williams, you looks at Matt Damon and says, it's not your fault. And Matt Damon says, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it's not my fault. And he's like, no, it's not your fault. And he repeats it over and over and over. It's three minutes of him saying, it's not your fault.

And I think that I want all of us who don't like the holidays to hear that because there is a valid reason that you don't like the holidays, whatever that is for you, whether it is family trauma, whether it is something that happened on that day, for you, it doesn't matter. It's not your fault. And the fact that you don't like the holidays is valid. And so I just want you guys to hear that because it's true. And this is not the narrative that's in our culture. This is the kickoff of a start of a season where it's all about perfect.

It's all about perfect families, perfect gifts, perfect everything. And for those of us who this is the hardest time of the year because we're reminded of the things that aren't perfect according to society standards, I just want you to know that this is a place where you can go and you can be and you can hear someone say to you, you not liking the holidays is valid and it is not your fault. That's really it. I want to also give you, I also want to give you a couple of strategies because it's like, yeah, it's not my fault.

That's great. And I still have to get through it. And that's also true. Right? So I'm going to say three things to you. Number one, talk to one person who gets it. Find one person. And if it is this feed, and if it's you dming me and saying, I need you to be my person, I will absolutely, 100% be your person because I need that person too. Find one person who you can just say out loud, God, I'm struggling. This is hard. This sucks. You don't have to say anything more than that. Just a check in is helpful.

It's a release, it's a relief. Number two is give yourself permission to feel it. So I was actually supposed to go to LA with a friend the last two days, and as I paid attention to myself, I thought, you know, you're going to LA because you're trying to escape the feelings that are coming this week. And so what I really needed to do, instead of running around and tiring myself out, which is, which is something that I tend to do, I sat home, I think I watched six movies. Just, oddly, John Grisham movies.

I have no idea why. And I just decided I'm gonna feel this so that when I actually get to that moment at the holidays when I have to engage with the people that are hard for me to engage, engage with, I'm going to be rested, I'm going to be cared for. I'm going to be, I'm going to be doing. I will have been taking care of myself. That's number two. And then I think the third thing is give yourself permission for it to go a different way. If you're going to an event and you can't handle it, leave for 30 minutes.

Just leave. Just say, hey, I'll be right back. Who cares if you lie and say, I forgot something at my house? If you say, I need to go get a Diet coke, whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. Okay, so give yourself an out. Give yourself permission to not go. Right? Just let know that options are okay. So that is what I have for you, my friends. Thank you all for these beautiful comments. I don't want to say your name wrong. Jopa Joy. Of course, this is a real thing that we all experience, so I'm happy to talk about it.

Good morning, Luke. Abby, you're amazing. And yeah, guilt. Don't. I can't say don't have it. I was gonna say that and it's not that easy. But I guess what I want to say is it's not your fault. And so if you need to Google goodwill hunting and watch that throughout this week, do it. It's true. Alright, friends, I will be back on Thanksgiving morning. I moved my life this week so it could be Thanksgiving morning so we can support each other in what might be a hard day. And I can't wait to see you all then.

I hope you have a beautiful, beautiful week. I hope you take care of yourself. We are all here. I want to say all these comments. Katie, thank you for being, being here. We all are here in it together. So come back to us when you need to. We'll see you soon. Thanks for being here. Have a great week. Bye, friends. It's countdown 54321.