Marigolde: Grief Wellness

Hi, everyone. It's my first time here on the Cadre app. I'm the founder of Marigold. My name's Roshni Kavate. So excited to be here. Welcome. If you're joining us for the morning, I'm the founder of Marigold, and we're a grief wellness platform. So I wanted to take some time today, this morning, and talk about what is grief wellness? Why, you know, should we tend to our grief? Oops, I'm gonna spill my tea here. And how can we, you know, navigate our grief in a way that feels joyful, pleasurable, interesting, you know, curious, all these words that we don't really associate with grief.

So I'm a nurse by training. I worked as a palliative care nurse, home health nurse, ICU nurse for over 1012 years. Hi, everyone. Hey, Anna. Hey, Luke. Nice to see. See you. And when I was working as a nurse, I was working with so many patients and families who were navigating so many difficult challenges, but they just didn't have time to, like, tend to their grief. And it was just pile up and pile up and pile up, and I would see so many health conditions actually, as a result of grief. So. Hi, Nikki.

Nice to see you. And even within my own life, I saw that I didn't really make space for grief. And when we think of grief, we think, oh, you know, I lost my partner or my parent. But it doesn't have to just be about someone dying. It can be many different losses. Like, if you've been, you know, if you had to move from one place to another, you lost a job, you lost your career, you know, loss of your dreams is one of the biggest, I think, factors or sources of grief. And it can feel so scary to say, oh, I'm grieving, or I'm making room for grief.

Because culturally speaking, we just think it's such a dark place to be. You know, even like, at work, if you have a loss, you get, what, like two days for bereavement. Like, that's so silly. Yeah, Nikki. So many little griefs in our day that don't get our attention. Another, you know, like aging, even losing your physical abilities sometimes, you know, illnesses, little conditions can add up. That's also a source of grief, and it. Exactly. Jungfu junkie is sharing. It's like a roller coaster of emotions.

It's lots of highs and lows. But I wanted to invite you to think about making space for grief and making friends with grief because it has a lot of wisdom for. For us to, like, you know, absorb. And believe me, I think it will make our life richer, not darker or sadder. So the more we make friends with it, you know, gently invite it into our life, it can open up our life in much more meaningful and beautiful ways. So if you're here, I would love to hear from you. You know, what is, like, one wisdom that grief has brought you into your life?

Uh, Nikki. Sharing. Yeah. The afternoon makes me sad as the day leaves. Yeah. Like, winter is a sad time. You know, it's the season of grief. So, yeah. How can we, you know, tap into, like, what that emotion means? What. What? Like, what is the message in that? I'll share. So one way grief has brought richness into my life is deep friendships, and I'll share more is, I think, before I really was in the space of, like, I'm grieving. I'm making room for it. So many of my connections were very, you know, you just, like, you say, like, hi.

Like, you talk about, I don't know, like, small things, things that don't really have meaning. And there's a way in which we perform that everything's okay, that I'm so competent, I'm so strong. But deep down, you know, there's a lot of parts of us that is struggling, that is hard, but we pretend like nothing's off and that we've got it. Like, everything's great, everything's super. So you just talk about shallow things over and over and over again, and it feels like you're just performing. And once I started to just accept that the only kind of friendships I wanted to have were deep, thoughtful, rich friendships where I could be honest, where I could be vulnerable, where there was that intimacy, to be vulnerable and just share what I was feeling.

Those friendships are so rare, but they're also so deep and so nourishing and so satisfying. Right? So my friend group and friend circle has changed over the years, and it's made my life richer because I can always count on the people I'm never doubting, you know, do I have to pretend to be one way, or do I have to shut parts of myself off and I don't have to? And that's such a beautiful gift. Right? Nikki's sharing grief makes me feel alive and what actions and changes I want to make in my life.

And junk food junkie says, yeah, grieving the loss of their mom has made it okay for them to cry. As a man like that is so, so, so important that we don't allow ourselves to be vulnerable. And whatever identity we have, we think that there's one way to be. And grief is so universal. Everybody feels it. It touches us equally. That is, like, one thing we can't get away from, right? It's not like it only comes to certain people. It comes to all of us. And it's okay to feel our emotions, you know? Like, I think we chase productivity so much that when grief comes, you kind of have to stop everything that you're doing.

And for a lot of people in the workplace, that's so hard. Right? Like, we always have. Like, our schedule is not ours. We have to be up at a certain time, have responsibilities, and it's so hard to make time for ourselves just to, like, be with our emotions. So I've been finding that I've just had to slow down when I've had to open myself up to grief. Like, there's days. Have you guys heard of bed days? I love bed days. I take bed days all the time. It's basically, you stay in bed, you do nothing.

Like, that's. That's my idea of, like, luxurious experience right now. Like, I don't want to go on vacation. I don't want to, you know, go to brunch. I just want to stay in bed. So. Yeah. Like, what are some ways you make space for grief folks who are here, if you want to share? Like, yeah. Like, how do you, you know, welcome your grief into your day to day life? For me? Yeah, it's like taking, like, a morning off or occasionally, like, a day off. Not answering to anyone, no emailing, no WhatsApp messages or text messages.

You know, I just play, like, suits on Netflix. I don't know, just some, like, junkie show, like, drink tea, cuddle with my dog. It's underneath. What that is is not laziness, but it's letting your body and your emotions just be, like, you're not trying to fix anything. You're not trying to, like, you know, oh, I should tell yourself that you should be doing something. It's allowing. Yeah, Rebecca. Sharing rest, allow space for grief. And more exactly, it's allowing yourself to just feel and to be okay with it and to accept yourself as you are.

And that's so important. We're always, you know, trying to better ourselves, trying to change ourselves, trying to improve ourselves, and that can feel so exhausting. So next week, we'll talk about, you know, just the exhaustion and all the kind of physical physicality of grief. But today we'll just focus, you know, just talking more about how do we open ourselves up to grief. So at Marigold. We talk about grief and culture and why that's so important. And if we think about it, like, what is the culture of grief in the US right now?

Either in our, you know, day to day life or in the workplace? What I've seen is we kind of are okay with grief when someone's lost, like, a family member or relationships ended. But there's a very finite timeline. So maybe, like, I don't know, like, a couple weeks, couple months. But after that, you have to get over it and get back to, like, quote unquote normal, like, being okay with it. Like, you should just not have emotions bubble up at random moments. And the timeline of grief is, it's never ending.

And it can come in many different ways. And in our culture, we think about it as a very cerebral sort of, like, hmm. You know, like, of course it's mental health, but the way we think about grief is. Is very limiting. We think about it as it's just thoughts, it's words, it's. And it has negative connotation, right? Like depression, like sadness, and that's about it. Like, we don't think of other ways in which grief can be described as. And when we at Marigold talk about culture and rituals, we're saying we've, like, our families, our ancestors, like, our culture has had different ways of grieving and rituals.

So, like, the month of December when it's winter, we had rituals for it. You know, a lot of, like, earth based nature rituals. We, like, look to nature after we harvest. Like, the soil is fallow, right? There's darkness. There's snow. You don't go out. You stay, like, at home. You stay cozy. You stay warm. That's connecting to death and grief. And even, like, in so many cultures, when you're going through a difficult time, you care for your body. You cook really cozy comfort food. Foods, like, foods that make you, you know, just, like, make you feel like you're giving yourself a hug.

Like, things like casseroles and stews. So we've had foods and rituals that have always, you know, reminded ourselves that this is a part of life. This is a natural cycle to life, rather than, okay, I have to forget that this is happening to me. And yet still, you know, keep showing up at work or keep going to my engagements. So that's where culture is really important, is that it's not just in your therapist's office that you talk about grief. It comes up in every way you live your life. I'm just looking at some comments.

We have such good information or comments here. So, Rebecca, sharing. Yeah. Like, grief is handled as something that's personal, that you do it alone, right? It's not alone. You do it communally. And, Nikki, sharing the community aspect of grieving is what's been helping me heal, and that's so important. Like, we as humans are constantly. If you've heard the word co regulation, it's because our nervous system is wired. You know, we do it with our kids, our pets, our partners. We do it with nature that we're all this one organism and that we're constantly co regulating.

Our nervous system is connected to the nervous system of the earth, of other people. So, of course, you should see a therapist or get medical help when it is absolutely necessary. But in so many ways, we hide it, especially, you know, at the workplace. Like, we have to operate in a way that shuts us from, like, what we're truly feeling. And that creates so much burden because it's really hard to shut yourself off from your true nature and your true self. And again, pretend like everything's certain way, and that takes a huge toll.

So I would love to think about how can we show up as ourselves, as our authentic, you know, in all our richness, the sad parts of us, the difficult parts, the challenging parts, the really competent and, you know, beautiful, productive parts, all those parts, and know that this is all in flow, it's constantly moving, it's in flux, and that we're really embracing all parts of ourselves. Jungfu junky is sharing about how grief groups and coupled with individual counseling through hospice has been so helpful.

Yeah, I think we really do need that individual support. Right. That's so specific to ourselves. But we also need that community aspect. So if you check out Marigold, some of the ways in which we offer community connection is through community journaling. And we offer, like, we've hosted some cooking parties. So these are two areas where, you know, and it can be anything. There's so many ways. Like, I think gardening in community can be, like, grief support, cooking together, volunteering, you know, like, anything where you really use your hands and your body to kind of get outside from your mind and into, you know, like, just into feeling your body and noticing how you move, how you connect with others.

I think that can be a really great way to have community support around grief. And that's why support groups are so helpful, too, because it makes us feel less alone. And when we share, the act of storytelling is also really powerful and resonant, you know, for our words to be heard by others. And we can mirror each other's experience. We can. You know, when someone else is navigating a loss, it can make us feel less alone just by sharing, just by acknowledging what's so difficult about our experience.

And so we all have unique losses. But the common shared experience can be so comforting to know we don't have to do this all by ourselves. So we're gonna keep popping up every Friday with some little pearl of wisdom and a topic of conversation. So if you have any specific topics or themes around grief and how to make space for it and how we can create a culture of wellness around grief, please let us know. You can message us here at Marigold. Again, my name is Roshni. You'll hear from my co founder and partner, Rebecca Servos next week.

m. Just holding space for everyone and, you know, making everyone's grief journey a little bit less lonely, but also letting you know that we're here. We're all doing this process together. And sometimes, you know, one of us may be feeling low or down, and maybe others can, you know, lend a hand to others. So know that you have a net of support and care and education and resources. So we're so excited to meet you all, and thank you so much for having us on this Friday morning and see you soon.