Looking for love? Dating for the first time in a while? Generally get anxious or nervous on first dates? These three tips have helped me navigate dating and approach the experience with more optimism, less pressure, and more confidence.
Rachel Havocaus is a writer and mental health advocate. She recently started dating with more intention and more seriously. She shares three tips to help you feel less anxious before you go on dates. Let go of expectations of outcome.
If you're single and mingling, this video is for you. Hi, my name is Rachel Havocaus. I am a writer and mental health advocate. I've been in therapy for 19 years and I also have a master's in psychology and my mission is to just help one person feel less alone. I'm also a very single human. I got divorced during the pandemic and I recently have started dating with more intention and more seriously. This also means that I'm experiencing a lot more anxiety, insecurity and rejection, and a lot of old beliefs are coming up in this video.
I want to talk to you about three things that help me before I go on dates to feel a little bit less anxious, a little bit more confident, and a little bit more excited. The first thing is to remind myself this is not about just whether or not this person likes me, it's about whether or not I like them. So yes, I want to put my best foot forward and be someone that is desirable, dateable, and someone that somebody else wants to be in partnership with. And it's important that I also like the other person.
So this is also an opportunity for me to get to know this person, get to understand their values, their perspectives and their personality, and ask myself, is this person a good match for me? The second one is to go in with genuine curiosity. How would I interact with someone if I was genuinely curious about their life, if I was genuinely interested in how they grew up? If I genuinely wanted to know things about this person, how would I operate? What kinds of questions might I ask? So, leading with genuine curiosity, the third one is letting go of expectations of outcome.
So instead of approaching this like, I am hopeful that this person is someone that I date long term, or I'm hopeful this becomes a committed partner or whatever it is that I'm looking for, going into it with the mindset of this is an opportunity to connect and get to know a human being. So reframing the expectation around what is happening at the end so the outcome into the outcome is not the most important thing. The most important thing is that I have an experience with a person who I connect with and everything else is just a cherry on top.
I hope you found these tips helpful. If you are also single and dating, I would love to know in the comments what you're struggling with and let's talk about it.
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