Grief Through Three Different Lens’

What's up, Cadre family? It's Luke Wendtlandt. Here it is grief loss trauma day today, and I'm really excited to have my first ever livestream to share a story or a situation in this. Excited as relative because of the situation. But I'm really excited to talk to you about the narrative with our family when it comes to the grief and loss, you know, that we shared. So I'm gonna give it just 1 minute here while the notification pops and that everybody can hop on and jump in. And then I'll share a little story today that I hope maybe might help you through your own grief and loss and journey that you're dealing with right now.

So happy Friday. Happy Friday to all of the mothers. Happy Friday to the mother's day that's coming up on Sunday. I'm so excited for the mothers of our world that do so much. Mother's Day is one of those special, special days. My wife, Em, loves KFC. KFC for mother's Day. We've been doing it for the last five years. It is everything for her. She wants KFC chicken. That's just what she wants. But I'm really excited to be here to talk to you. What's up, speaker wonder? Oh my gosh. There's so many amazing people that I just keep seeing popping, popping, popping on.

It's always great to see everybody. Tiffany Zobitz, Katie, Jules, you name it. So again, my name is Luke Wendtlandt. I've been at Cadre. Love the KFC. Katie, it is so good to see you. You're amazing. One of the greatest people that you'll see here, Tiffany Norton. Yes. I haven't had lunch yet. Bee Zovitz. Happy Friday. Be Zobitz is getting married soon. Congratulations on a huge, huge event in your life. Looking forward to seeing all the great things that continue to go on for you and your fiance and your future.

Keep doing great things in this life. But today I am here and I'm sharing a little story with you about loss through a few different lenses. What's up? Wag 93 99. Happy Friday is right. Good to see you. So the loss that we had happened exactly two weeks ago with our beautiful Layla girl. She was twelve years old. She was our boxer. She's just such a sweet soul. But the last, you know, really, month, two months, was caregiving for an animal, you know, to pick up, to bring outside, to use the restroom, falling a lot.

And then on that Friday night, fateful Friday, she just kind of had a stroke and she really didn't know where she was and it turned into kind of anxiousness, nervousness. You could tell she didn't know who we were and very disorientated, brought her to the emergency vet, and we did have to move forward with a really sad, sad moment for em and I and our family, which was to put our beautiful Layla girl down. And I'm by no means saying that our Layla girl is the loss of life of a loved one, a spouse, etcetera.

But for us, it was our family. And some individuals might not value the pet's life like a human being, and I totally get that and I understand with that and I appreciate that. But for Layla, she was really, really special to M and I, but I do want to share about the lens of grief through our children. So number one, Drew, for example. Drew was quiet, Drew was reserved. And he still really hasn't talked about it and he still really hasn't addressed it. He's asked questions and he's, he's ten and he just has been very quiet, reserved.

Taking this in, kind of watching and seeing it all unfold. And, you know, I have made the mistake a couple times already. Like, do you want to talk about, do you want to open up? And I feel like I'm almost pressuring and I need to stop that, but I did want to open the door to say it's okay to talk, it's okay. But maybe that's his process, is to just analyze and take it in and think about it and process accordingly on his own terms. Second, my nine year old, Ada is asking a lot of questions about mom and dad.

It's almost like empathy. Like, how are you doing, mom? Dad, how are you? Dad, how are you, mom, how are you? If you had a quarter for every time I was asked how I'm doing, that's how she's showing up in her grief cycle. And, you know, again, Drew is even keel. He's quiet, he's reserved, he's taking it in. Eight, on the other hand, is just questions, questions, questions, questions. Dad, are you alright? Dad, are you alright? Mom, are you alright? Mom, are you alright? Appreciate it, but at the end of the day, like, you know, the most important thing for me is she's okay.

And then last but not least is my son Cameron. And my son Cameron, seven. He talks about it all, he talks about every feeling. He talks openly about it. I miss Layla, I'm crying, I'm sad, I'm open, I'm vulnerable to that. Like, that's just who he is. And leaning into all those feelings. He might be a psychiatrist or a psychologist someday, who knows? But he really loves to go deep about what he's feeling, why he's feeling, and he's open, and we know exactly what that looks like. Wag 93 99. Sorry for your loss.

I totally understand what you're going through. It's happened to us a few years ago. Until the day has started, they are, and pets are our family. We feel the same way. My wife and I talked about it last night after the kids went to bed, just how much we miss her. And, you know, my wife said, if I could just had a little love of Layla tonight, that would be great. And, you know, we certainly feel that way through our loss. But what I just wanted to share is, you know, the lens of that loss through the three children and at the seven, the nine, and the ten, and I don't think.

I don't think the loss would be that much different on an age basis. Results of a 43 46 and a 48 as they get older. I think drew's going to be very analytical, and I think he's going to think and overthink and rethink and think again. I think Ada is going to be an empathetic soul that all worries about is everybody else around, how everybody else is doing and forgets about themselves and all about everybody else. And then last but not least is I have a feeling that Cam man is going to continue to share everything and everything about his feelings, and our family experienced this and experienced that grief and experienced that loss.

And I just want you to know that it's okay for how you're going through grief, and it's okay for how you're showing up, and it's okay to be quiet, and it's okay to be talkative, and it's okay to ask questions. It's okay to do any of them. And I think that's how we should support grief, and I think that's how we should support a loss, is to put no timetable on it, to put no expectations on it, but rather just let people be themselves as they're feeling the way that they're feeling. And I don't think we should put pressure on the way people need to feel away about something.

And so I just encourage you to today, when people are going through things and when people are going through a loss or people are experiencing things, just to maybe hold off on judgment and maybe more lean into empathy and lean into empathy of the other individual's feelings or how they're showing up and maybe just a simple are you okay? Is maybe all we have to do as friends, cousins, relatives, colleagues, peers, you name it. So again, I am not a grief expert. Never been a grief expert. I just wanted to share a real lived experience on grief that our family has went through, dealt with, and it's been really hard.

But it's also really interesting to sit in a parent's shoe and watch it play out. And I have a feeling that you all have seen that too in your families. And so grief, there certainly is no one trick pony. And if there was, it would probably be a lot easier to navigate, but it sure as h*** isn't for us. So I hope that this talk has maybe opened a lens for you that maybe wasn't open before or maybe showcased a different way to look at things, through the loss of life, the loss of animals, the loss of whatever that might be, friendships in your life as you process accordingly.

So, to the mothers, again, I just want to say you are all amazing. Doing what you do, working, supporting. If you are staying at home, it's the hardest job in the world. If you're working and leading your parents as parents, that is the hardest job in the world. Knowing what the kids want from moms and why they want them and always having to be on and always being the first answer, I just want to thank you all. So Sunday, I hope you all relish in your day and have the best day for you. Take it in.

Live it up. Experience all the things that you need to experience. Make that day yours because you've earned it more than anything in the world. Moms, we love you all. Have a wonderful, wonderful Sunday. Do something special for you. I have a feeling I know somebody on this that might be on the golf course. So take care, you guys. Be good to one another. And thanks for listening to grief through a different lens and actually three different lenses with the kids through our loss. So take care of you guys.

Have a wonderful rest of your day. Okay, bye bye now.