3 Tips for Being Single During the Holidays

If you're single for the holidays, this video is for you. Hi, my name is Rachel Havocost. I'm a writer and mental health advocate. And my goal is to help one person feel less alone. So I got divorced in 2020. I have other videos on my page, all about navigating grief and heartbreak and being single. This video is specifically about being single during the holidays. So this will be my fifth holiday, I think, in a row of being single. And I want to talk about ways to navigate a lot of the emotions that come up during this time of year about being single.

The first thing I want to say before I go into my three tips for how to navigate this is there's no shame in being single, whatever time of year it is. There are so many wonderful things about being on your own. From learning who you are, learning how to cultivate community, learning how to navigate doing things on your own. There's really a lot of value in being independent and single. And it's also okay to want a partner. It's totally fine to want love. It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you on either end.

So I just want to make sure that I say blanket statement. There is nothing wrong with being single. There's nothing wrong with loving being single. There's nothing wrong with wanting a partner. All of that is okay. And I know that during the holidays, my own personal desire for a partner and then some of the shame that comes up around being single heightens. So I want to talk about three things I do to navigate that. The first one is gratitude. So oftentimes during this season, I start to kind of get into that woe is me, scarcity.

Oh, my gosh, how am I still here? Sort of mindset where I feel like I don't have something I should have. And that happens often because I'm around family, I'm around other couples. There's a lot more, you know, on social media or in movies about love and romance and. And it can bring up a lot of thoughts of, like, oh, I don't have something I'm supposed to have. So I try to focus on the opposite, which is what I do have. So I find gratitude for everything in my life that I do have that is so wonderful and nourishing.

The second one is focusing on community. So kind of in this vein of gratitude, one of the things I'm really grateful for is that I've been able to build a pretty solid community in the last five years. And because of that, I don't feel alone. I have people in my life who care about me, who love me, who. Who remind me time and time again that I am a lovable and valuable person who matters. And they help kind of counter those beliefs that come up during this time of year. So focusing on the people already in my life, whether that's friends, family members, people who make me feel that I'm worthwhile, that I'm good enough, and that I'm lovable.

The third one is date yourself. The holidays are a wonderful time to go out and enjoy yourself and do all the things that you might otherwise do with a partner. So take yourself to a Christmas tree lighting if that's your thing. Cook yourself a beautiful, delicious ham if that's your thing. Light some candles by yourself if that's your thing. Or celebrate no holiday at all if that's your thing. Whatever feels like something that you want to do, but you're maybe not doing it because you don't have a partner.

You've got one right here. You can take yourself out and do all of those things. Get dressed up, play fancy music in the background, drink some champagne, make some tea, hot cocoa, whatever feels nourishing. You are allowed to still take yourself to these activities on your own. Just in case no one else will tell you this, I will tell you that you are so lovable, and you are so enough. I hope this is helpful. And here's to navigating the holidays alone and together.