Whatever your experiences were growing up and chances are a lot of us have pain connected to the holidays, when we become parents it’s our responsibility to create new experiences for our kids that don’t carry any baggage. The beautiful thing is that in creating those experiences we heal the wounds from our past.
Dangriffin: Every Child deserves to have a Happy Holiday. He says he carried past wounds and trauma about the holidays into his sobriety. His daughter has helped to heal that, he says. He asks parents to talk to their children about what they need.
All right. These weeks go quickly. These days, I view this. I'm a little out of it. I'm sick. I'm supposed to be at my daughter's volleyball tournament, but I got sick last night, and I was. I knew I wasn't going. But I view this Cadre commitment as like, you know, spiritual postal worker. You know, neither rain nor sleet nor snow is gonna prevent me from keeping my commitment. So I'm gonna be brief. But, you know, this is week two. So it's about conscious fatherhood. And so it really had me reflecting, as it often does, not just about being a father, but about my father.
One of the sayings I have is, you know, being a father sometimes is giving everything you never got, and then in giving it, you get it. And I think that's as we approach this holiday, because the title of this particular stream is, you know, because every Child deserves to have a Happy Holiday. And that's really true, you know, and I think, you know, the. I wrote about this in my. com but it's like, I have a daughter. She's 15. I have had amazing Christmases since she was born, and especially since she was able to verbalize her excitement about Christmas.
Because, you know, as adults and as parents, we have a choice when our kids are old enough to express their joy at things that we maybe have wounds and baggage around. Right? I did not have Merry Christmases. A lot of the time when you have alcoholism and violence in the home, it's erratic, it's unpredictable. And, you know, that left me just having a lot of past wounds and trauma about the holidays. And I carried that into my sobriety, long into my sobriety and my adulthood, just because there was this attitude of, like, what's the point?
You know, just, you know, the. The darkness of the holidays that a lot of people like to pretend is not there. And that's there for a lot of us. A lot of us have that. And then we have kids, and it's like, holy s***, I gotta face that, or I'm gonna bring it into her life. And then she is not going to get to maintain that joy. And my commitment was 100% that my daughter would be able to maintain her excitement and her joy. And the beautiful thing that's happened is that every year, you know, since she really.
I mean, it was like one or two. We've had amazing Christmases, and she's excited and she wants to watch the movies and Put up the tree. And can we put up the tree this time? And I want to listen to the songs starting in October, and I want to do this. And it's like her joy and her interest and her excitement about has healed the pain that I carried from the past because she showed me what it's like again to have happy holidays, where you don't have to have it end in disappointment, where you don't have to have it end in heartbreak, where you don't have to have it end in violence.
And that's a beautiful, beautiful thing. And so my daughter has helped to heal that. And it's helped to heal that little boy inside of me who was heartbroken, who did feel like the holidays were a lie, who did feel like it was a waste of time, who did feel like it was, you know, just commercialism and all of that. And that's a beautiful thing, too. And so there's this synergy that happens that's really, really amazing. And that's my hope, right? My hope for everybody, right, is if you're still carrying your wounds and your baggage, if they're still getting the best of you on these holidays, what are you gonna do?
Like, how are you gonna take care of yourself so it doesn't affect others? And if you're a parent and that's still happening, how are you gonna let your kids show you the way? Or have you already impacted them so much that the holidays are blunted by the overall atmosphere of, you know. No, no. Resignation, maybe? And so that's the. That's the gift, right? That's the gift that's before us. So I don't know if you do any inner child work, but it can be a very powerful thing to have a conversation with your inner child about what you need, about what they needed to have that loving parent come in and give that child whatever they needed.
And then maybe, maybe you need to make amends to your kids. Maybe that's what has to happen. This holiday is at first, you need to make amends and clean up any of the problems that you've had in the past with the holidays with them because of the stuff that you've carried from your past into their relationship into their holidays. If you don't have to do that, that's wonderful because all of us get a chance to have a brand new experience of the holidays with our kids. And that's, to me, that's the gift.
That's the gift, right? We get to let their joy lead us into a wonderful experience. And then we can, as adults, show up for them and show up for ourselves and make the holidays mean what they're supposed to mean, which is one of love and service. And that's what my daughter has done for me, and that's what I'm most grateful for. So, like, I end all of my streams, you know, what can you do? Well, the one you can do is you can check in with that part of you, that young part of you that's carrying any wounds, and tend to that to help heal that.
Listen to it, have it write a letter to you. Have them write a letter to you and you respond as a loving parent. Second, again, if your kids are at an age where you've already impacted their joy and their excitement because of your negativity, because of the stuff you've carried from the past, make amends, clean it up, and start fresh. And so that's the third thing, right? Just have an amazing holiday where you really can be present as if it's the first holiday you ever had. That's what I try to do.
All right, well, wishing you a happy holiday season until next time.
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